The population of some nations witness a larger proportion of the youngster vs senior citizens

[IELTS ACADEMIC-WRITTING TASK 2] THE POPULATION

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Presently, the population of some nations witnessed a larger proportion of the youngster in comparison with that of senior citizens. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of this situation and provide evidences as to why the benefits of this trend would overshadow its drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are two major disadvantages when the number of the elderly shrinks. Firstly, the aged offer valued experiences known as folk wisdom on many aspects such as child rearing or traditional remedy, which the youth may hardly known. For example, the elderly would take advantage of natural herbs to overcome a flu instead of taking medicine. The herbal remedy has long been recognized as an economical but effective treatment for these common illnesses. Secondly, the decrease of old population may in turn make the cultural preservation suffer. In fact, some traditional professions dated back to 100 years ago, such as pottery making are handed down from generation to generation thanks to senior citizens. As young adults are no loner concerned about these traditional cultures, a part of national heritage may become vanished.

On the other hand, I believe that the benefits are more significant than such disadvantages. One reason for this view is that thanks to their creativity, the youngsters come up with more innovations in creating leading-edge technologies, which allow people' lives to be more handy. As young adults are able to transform their ideas into a reality thanks to more effective approach to up-to-date information compared with the old ones, they could take over the role of state future owners. Another reasons is that juveniles are responsible for national economic development. It is true that countries with higher percentages of young population would progress faster. The more youthful laborers there are, the more sustainably a country would develop.

In conclusion, nations with younger population is not without disadvantages, however, I believe that the upsides would justify these

This essay is guilty of over discussion without regard for the time allotment of the test. You wrote 319 words. You are well over the minimum required words, but your essay did not achieve its fullest potential just the same. You see, a long essay will never guarantee a passing score. That is because long essays, such as the one that you wrote, usually suffers from a lack of clarity int he discussion. The lack of clarity comes from the desperate intention of the exam taker to impress the examiner by the amount of English words that he knows, instead of the clarity of his ability to express himself in English. Your paragraphs need to be understandable and also, focused on a given discussion top[c. Your presentation does not qualify as fully developed, nor coherent, nor cohesive because of the lack of focus on content and unfair focus on the word count.

Read your presentations. You have 2 topics per, that means, you used 3 sentences to fully explain the first topic, then introduced the second topic in the 4th sentence, followed by an under developed explanation for the 5th sentence. The 4th sentence should instead be an additional explanation in support of the first topic. The 5th sentence should be used as a transition or introduction to the upcoming paragraph topic. That is how you present clear and coherent essays.