Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Population in the state of Oregon by County from 1940 to 2000

amrillahmk 29 / 47 6  
Oct 27, 2016   #1
The line graph portrays the growing number of population, which is measured in thousands over 60-year period in Columbia, Yamhill, and Washington. Overall, the main fact that stands out is that in all counties experienced an increase in the sum of inhabitants. Moreover, Washington's population rose significantly among two other counties.

To begin with, in 1940, the number of residents in Washington stood at 75,000. Then, it increased gradually to roughly 122,000 by the end of 1970. Subsequently, the population of Washington showed a dramatic growth, which hit a high of around 245,000 people in the end of the period.

Turning to Yamhil and Columbia, both of which experienced a similar pattern from time to time. Firstly, they stood at 30,000 and 25,000 respectively in 1940. Over the following 30 years, Yamhil and Columbia grew slightly to 45,000 and 35,000 and then rose dramatically to 90,000 and 77,000 successively in the timeframe shown.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Oct 27, 2016   #2
Hi Miftah.
I have read your writing closely. In this moment, I am gonna offer a few corrections to finalize yours. Please, you meet my notes and review them.

... number of population, which is measured in thousands over A 60-year period ...
... population rose significantly among RATHER THAN two other counties.

Turning to the body paragraph, you can describe the data well when we only focus on grammar. However, you have to remember that your job in the writing task 1 is comparing figures, not describing them separately. Honestly, you can reach the score, but it cannot help you to reach the score more than 6 because you play safely. You are supposed to have a bravery to compare the figures relating each other. These below are the example sentences to build a paragraph consisting comparisons.

Initially, more people preferred to live in Washington. Its population reached at 75 thousand and was by far the highest popultaion. For two other countries, the population numbers stood at a very similar rate at approxiamtely 30 thousand. However, by 2000, there had been a significant change. A gap between the figure for Washington and other countries widened out from 45 to over 150 thousand. Interestingly, Columbia's population rate had fallen back to the level of the 1940 Washington figure, representing at 75 thousand.

Hopefully, those can help you to get the points of the writing task 1.
I believe you can master this skill if you wanna practice more and more.
Keep writing.
OP amrillahmk 29 / 47 6  
Oct 27, 2016   #3
Hi akbar thank you for your insightful feedback and i think I need more of your feedback in my next writing. it is nice that i got a comment from ES tutor, i was one of ES students as well in january this year hahaha.

keep helping!

Home / Writing Feedback / Population in the state of Oregon by County from 1940 to 2000
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳