Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


position on Arizona Law: support and opposition( one body paragraph for each side).



barabashka 2 / 3  
Mar 27, 2011   #1
First and very important point that Arizona State was trying to make is that this law, called Arizona SB 1070, is concerned about safety its citizens. During these few years, when economics went down and our financial lives changed drastically, flaw of the illegal immigration to the USA didn't decrease. At times when Americans were losing their jobs and being laid-off, anti-legal aliens were getting the jobs and paid cash: they don't pay taxes! Majority of them doesn't even speak English. Moreover, many of the immigrants are drug dealers and criminals and we don't want our kids to become drug addicts, our loved ones to be killed by an illegal criminal! As a matter of fact, the law was "vetoed" once, but this time it came up after a farmer was killed by an illegal slugger and reaction of the society was triggered by fear for the future. There is a lot of talk of the offended ones that even in countries of ole conservative Europe nobody demands the presentation of proper identification from foreigners: what makes it such a big deal? Im my country every single citizen, not even mentioning immigrants, has to carry a passport or an ID at all times! When it comes to safety - better safe than sorry!

On another hand, not every immigrant is a slugger or a criminal, not everyone is in the country illegally! When Americans complain that immigrants take their jobs they have to consider that the pay that these very aliens receive for the job - and the kind of job that none of would do- is comical! Clearly, being an immigrant and an illegal immigrant are two different things. However, this law is too hostile towards immigrants altogether: it seems like every immigrant on the Arizona State sole is supposed to be illegal! How come some police officer can judge whether I'm breaking the law? What if somebody just happened to look certain way that would attract Police, but being perfectly legal? The State government is forgetting that this country was built by immigrants from all over the world and mainstream of the population has some immigrant blood in. This law is totally unethical to anyone who lives or visits the State: the discrimination of people of particular race utterly breaks the trust to the law enforcement! As Cardinals Rodger M. Mahony of Los Angeles said "authorities' ability to demand documents was like "Nazism" - something that no modern country tolerates. To sum up, Governor Brewer's acceptance of the bill only led to major immigrant outflow from Arizona to other, less strict on immigration, states. The U.S.' citizens were convinced that they are protected by the Bill of Rights from unlawful treatment, but monitoring news from Arizona I'm doubtful.

ecordo5 4 / 28  
Mar 28, 2011   #2
For the first paragraph, there are many grammatical errors that should be fixed. I suggest review the grammatical structure with a student or professor. However, it's not recommended to use "!" because they seem very unprofessional. Furthermore, be careful not to necessarily include your own thoughts because that's considered biased. Being biased, is unconventional and you lose your authority over the subject.

Thanks! Please review my essay!
OP barabashka 2 / 3  
Mar 28, 2011   #3
@ecordo5: thank you very much for the comment:) you are totally right - I should have checked my grammar and edit the essay before posting it:( thank you for reading it:)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Mar 29, 2011   #4
Im In my home country, name of country, every single citizen has to carry a passport or an I.D. at all times!

On the other hand, not every immigrant is ...

What if somebody just happened to look certain way that would attract Police police, even though she or he is perfectly legal?

To sum up, Governor Brewer's acceptance of the bill only led to major immigrant outflow from Arizona to other, less strict on immigration, states. ---This is not what you should say to sum up. It is an important point that you should write a whole paragraph about.

I think you did a great job with this, but it seems confusing. In the first part, I thought you favored the bill. Now I think you oppose it. You should give an introduction paragraph, and at the end of that paragraph you can give a sentence that clearly says what your opinion is.

:-)


Home / Writing Feedback / position on Arizona Law: support and opposition( one body paragraph for each side).
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳