My essay about positive things about an accident - Introduction.

Most of us at one time or another have life-changing experiences. They sometimes inspire, influence or completely transform our lives. The effects can be good, bad, or in some cases, a combination of both. I was nineteen years old when I moved to Florida. The prospect of living just a few minutes away from the beach was exciting, and I took advantage of it by trying water-related activities, even thought I did not know how to swim. It was a sunny day in July when I had a terrifying experience. I rode a jet ski for the first time, without being aware of the consequences of not operating it with caution. Being inexperienced and overeager, I paid the price for it. While racing along the ocean, I lost control of the machine, falling off it and mildly injuring myself.

The feeling of crashing into the water was somewhat similar to skipping stones as a child; only this time it was my body, not a rock, that was bouncing off the surface. I was in shock , panicking at the thought of me not being able to swim. The shore was out of my sight, and the waves seemed to grow in intensity, a point where overcoming my fear of water became a necessity. The only thing keeping me alive was my life vest, and even with it on me, I still had to struggle to get back on the jet ski. Although this experience was traumatizing and frightening, I consider it a life-defining moment, and I have found that positive things can emerge from serious accidents.

This is just my introduction paragraph and it's leading to the thesis, but I'm wondering if I should move the story of events in the body paragraph since my introduction seems to long now. What do you think ?

Also, could I please be corrected if I have mistakes or other errors ?

it's due Monday.

Hey :)
Just a correction:

Most of us at one time or another have had life-changing experiences.

As u suggested, you could move the story to the body paragraph since your intro is a little long.

I like the description though. Good Luck!

Thank you!

Do you guys see any more errors ?

Also, what do you think about the format ?

I would want to leave the introduction as it is, but maybe describing the events is meant for the body paragraphs.

Hi Andrew,

Maybe you could stick with the intro as it is... :)

I found another error : The only thing keeping(I think it should be 'that kept' instead) me alive was my life vest,....

Cheers!

I was nineteen years old when I moved to Florida.
When I was nineteen year old, I moved to Florida