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I had power, but I seek happiness (examination)


Gladys1620 2 / 6  
Aug 7, 2011   #1
hi all. this year i will be taking my 'O' level examination (a national exam to see which school i will go to after secondary (middle) school) "power" is a one word topic from a past paper. here is my essay!

My fingers pressed the soft keys one after another as a trail of words appeared on the white screen. Like ants, they crawled across the screen, one line after another, as I worked my way on the keyboard. I sat in my black swivel chair, content about where I was. Though everyday was hard work, at least I have attained it. Finally, I have attained it. For all these years, I craved for it; I desired it and I needed it. It was needed for survival that is what that household taught me. I had the authority and strength. I had the power.

I laid on the cold hard floor as my whole body ached. Pain was everything I felt. Pain was everywhere and there was nothing but pain. I squint across the dark room, trying to find something to shield me from the winter's wind. However, I was too tired to move. At least the wound burns, I thought. I closed my eyes slowly and drifted to sleep.

I was adopted into the Beskerville family at five. My parents died and the master of the Beskerville household was my father's friend. He adopted me and became my father. Father paid me some attention. He bought me new clothes, new books and gave me education. Though it was little, it was enough to earn the jealousy of my "siblings". They started to pick on me and when I grew older, their mothers' began to hit me. They always brought me to the musty old underground storeroom and beat me there. They paid attention to not hit my face and limbs, as they wanted to look good in front of father.

Everyone was going after father's wealth and money. After living in the Beskerville family for eleven years, I learnt that power was needed to survive in this harsh and cruel world. I wanted power and was going to attain it on my own. I began to work my way into society, learning how it worked. Through the Internet, I met influential people and gained their support. Slowly, I started buying shares and through some manipulation, Father's company began to collapse.

As the company deteriorated, people lost interest in it. Father grew old and forlorn. On his deathbed, he held my hands and entrusted his company to me. What did he mean entrust, I thought. I earned it. Though the company was deteriorating, the cause was small. After fixing the problem, it began to rise again and at an incredible fast speed. Chains opened up all over in the country and the world. It began to prosper and became one of the biggest companies. I sat at the top of that established company. I achieved what I wanted. Finally, I have attained power.

A knock came from the outside and a secretary walked in. she started to recite my schedule for the day. Staring at her legs, I was contented at where I was. I had power. No one could reach me or even touch a single hair of mine. I had power, but now I seek something totally different. That was happiness.

how will you rate it?? and is my story line too weak?? anything i should improve?? thank you!

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Aug 8, 2011   #2
Like ants, they crawled across the screen,---I love this!--- one line after another, as I worked my way across the keyboard.

I sat in my black swivel chair, content with where I was.

Though every day ---two words here--- was hard work, at least I have attained it.

It was needed for survival, that is what--- living in that?- - that household taught me.

They paid attention to not hit my face and limbs, as they wanted to look good in front of father.---How about "...because they didn't want father to know about the abuse"?

After fixing the problem, it began to rise again and at an incredibly fast speed.

Finally, I had attained power.

She started to recite my schedule for the day.

Staring at her legs, I was content with where I was.

Interesting essay!! Have fun in school and good luck!

:)
OP Gladys1620 2 / 6  
Aug 19, 2011   #3
thank you for the comment! and yeah I'll take note about the changes!


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