Practical ideas, and the life guidance suggestions

Good Advice you have Received

I have ever received some advice in my life.
Something about the practical ideas, and something about the suggestions of the life guidance.

Now I'm going to talk about the actual plans. Well, somebody tells me the thoughts about the appearance. They said you have to find out your excellent wearing style as quickly as possible. Because when you dress well when you dress in good taste, and you make up, and you will have confidence.

And also to do the anti-ageing job as soon as possible. Like doing the sun-screen work every day and cut down the sugar, set the regular bedtime, also do the exercises. These are all the steps can make the anti-ageing. And the next idea is about the hospital.

If there is one time, you got over five pimples on your face; the proper way is to go to the hospital to see the doctor. Cus this is the skin disease. And if you have lousy mood over one month, the best way is to go to see the psychological doctor. Also if you want to know how to solve your problem, Google. Google can explain everything in your life almost.

Ok, let us tend to the second part, is about the suggestions of the life guidance. A few years ago, I watched a Ted talk. The title is thirty is not the new twenties. And the woman in there said, now is your time to size your adulthood and get some identity capital, use your week ties, pick your family. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or what you didn't do. You are deciding your life right now.

This ted talk impressed me. From then on, I know it is time to choose my life correctly. It's time to what do what Should I do. And don't waste time on the useless exploring.

I think the biggest mistake here is that you use too much spoken language instead of written language : well, Ok, ..
Put on make up( because make up is actually a noun)
"be well- dressed "is better
there is so many sentences started with " And"

@jessig
you cannot use and so many times to connect sentences, it is better to use connectors like: Because when you dress well when you dress in good taste, and you make up, and you will have confidence.... it is better to have like this... because when you dress well with good taste in addition to make-up your style, will boost your confidence.

Jessie, this essay is not very well focused on terms of topic and thesis statement. I am going to make a guess here an assume that you just made up a topic for discussion without really having any example of how to create or develop a topic for discussion. When you write an essay, your opening paragraph must always be clear about the foundation of the discussion topic. What is the reasoning behind it? Why does the reader need to hear what you have to say? What will your essay actually focus on? These elements remain unclear throughout the first part of your essay.

You have a tendency to use connecting words such as "because" as well as "and", something not academically allowed because the idea behind the connecting words is to connect 2 different but related ideas in a sentence. Therefore, it is to be used in the middle, not at the beginning of a sentence where there is no thought process to connect.

The paragraphs presented do not really carry a sense of logical explanation nor cohesive paragraphs. You are just rattling off thoughts without giving thought as to the purpose of your declarations. If you simply speak for the purpose of speaking, then you are not making any sense nor delivering a clear discussion to your reader. This renders your essay boring, confusing, and useless for your intended audience. Learn to use transition paragraphs when changing the discussion from topic to another (e.g. pimples to TED talk). Explain how the two differing discussions connect before you start a new discussion. Make sure the reader is clear on the connection otherwise the reader is left with more questions about your work than answers.

@jessig

if u want to write what other people said, you should use " " for the sentence.