PRACTICE WRITING D1 - (Paragraph) Volunteer work

I am practicing writing as an English test is coming. Looking forward to your constructive suggestions. Thank youuu.

Some high schools have a requirement that students must complete a certain amount of volunteer work in order to graduate.

What do you think about this type of requirement? Give details to support your opinion.(Para)

Given the fact that universities and employer's requirements for students' contribution to the community are accumulatively inscreasing, students in some high school are obliged to do volunteer work for their graduation. However, I totally disagree with this type of requirement. Firstly, students should be the decision-maker of whether or not they want to participate in any volunteer work. As different people have their own future plans, volunteer work may benefit some students, but it may not be suitable for the others. Additionally, asking students to do volunteer jobs for graduation is, sometimes, putting them under greater stress since they have already undergone an extreme amount of it during their daily life. Forcing students to volunteer is obviously against the meaningful voluntary purpose of those work. Secondly, as volunteering becomes obliged, it will be a rising negative trend among the new generation. Rather than focusing on further developing themselves and creating valuable community programs, students will do volunteer to join a race for profile and fame. Myriad promising community-contributed programs being set up and abandoned soon after their host graduated is gradually becoming a commonplace in modern society. The new generation, through superficial education, will propel this world towards a future in which even contributing to society is done purposively. To conclude, schools should not always expect students to fulfill their "voluntary duties" as requirements will lead to students' opposition and potential consequences in the future.

In order to properly write the response paragraph, you first have to understand what response method you have to use. In this case, you are being asked for your opinion on the topic. So you should have discussed if this is necessary or unnecessary. Instead, you chose to disagree with the presented discussion topic. If you are not being asked to agree or disagree, then you should be presenting an opinion based on the topic instead. You could have said; "I do not think this requirement is fair to the students because..." or "I believe that this is an acceptable requirement for high school students since it will..."

What I am giving you is just a general idea as to how you can better write this essay. Since you said you are taking an English test and not the IELTS or TOEFL tests, I did not apply the writing qualifications of those exams to your presentation. Please let me know next time if you are prepping for an official English language test so that I can apply the correct review procedure on your work.