IELTS Task 2 Practice : Side Effect of Smoking Besides Health Issue

Question : Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.
Why should we be concerned about this?
What solutions would you suggest?

Smoking is not only effected smoker's health, but also has some environmental effects. As long as people does not concerned for this problem, the impact would become more and more advanced. I would argue that the best solution for this is to substitute some cigarette industries with the more useful one.

There are many ways in which smoking are responsible for environment problem, while the most significant one is causing pollution. The atmosphere would contaminated by over 4000 dangerous chemical contained in one cigarette, like nicotine and tar. Imagine if a people smoked 1 pack of 12 cigarettes a day, and there were 100 peoples smoking in that region. This would indicate the huge amount of poisonous chemical released to the air each day. Pollution caused by smoking is not only limited to air pollution, but also to land and water as well. Millions of cigarette butts are left in the ground and end up in river or lake. This would have a severe effect for the ecosystem in both areas. For example, the population of living creature in a lake is disturbed and likely decreased by cigarette chemical that has dissolved in the water.

Supported by arguments above, I would likely to suggest that government should limit the existence of tobacco plant and divert it to another industry sector instead, like food-producing plant. As far as I'm concerned, this world needs food more than cigarette. Food is human basic needs, while cigarette is just the matter of self satisfaction that has more disadvantages to earth and society.

Could you please help me reviewing this essay? Thank tou! :)

your topic sentence in introduction could be better if you write a backgroun of one considering for instant :
smoking become a big problem of the 21th century . . . .
or
smoking is becoming a serious problem in . . . .

Your writing is good, but i have some suggestions in your introduction. Introduction should be to show the answers of tasks as representative on your body paragraph.

For example :

Apart of health influence, smoking can affect environment stability. Some people believe that consideration in this trend is very essential since there has been increasing pollution owning to smoke that is generated by cigarette. I personally argue that campaign about smoking warnings can be an alternative to solve this problem.

The question of the essay doesn't say that we need to write about the side effects of smoking besides health issues. It is my understanding after reading the questions. I think we should focus both oh health issues like risk of cancer as well as on environmental pollution. Please correct if someone think otherwise

Hy, @kikiki

I would argue that the best solution for this isaction to substitute some cigarette industries with the more useful one.

The atmosphere would contaminated by over 4000 dangerous chemical contained in one cigarette, likebetter you use "such as" nicotine and tar.

This would havehas a severe effect for the ecosystem in both areas.

note : put space in your writing