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[IELTS] Prevention is better than cure. Agree or not? 'materialistic diversion'


Jun 2, 2014   #1
Topic: Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures.
To what extent do you agree or disagreee with this statement?

There has always been a saying in medicine: "Prevention is better than cure". This statement has raised a question whether the government should allocate a large sum out of the national health budget to educating and phasing in health-protected measures. In my opinion, this plan should be put into practice for the two reasons mentioned accordingly.

No one can argue the importance to include health lessons in school programmes, especially at primary level, in the hope of raising people's awareness. Children should be taught about balanced diets, nutritious food as well as harmful ones, thereby they will have a fundamental grasp of how to lead a healthy lifestyle. What is more, it is much easier for people at early ages to form a habit of, for instance, not consuming too much fast food, over-fried food or intoxicants.

In addition, it will be of economic benefit to pre-empt certain kinds of diseases. Needless to say, such unpreventable illnesses as cancer or HIV will cost the victim a fortune, not to cure, but to lengthen his longevity for 1 or 2 more years. Similarly, if humans tend to keep fit more regularly by participating in outdoor activities or using health-care product, obesity, myopia or other diseases that require expensive treatments will never stand a chance.

To sum up, I have to concede to the materialistic diversion from treatment to health education and preventative measures. This will yield positive results on not only the people's physical and mental development but also their finance.

Could you guys please review my essay? By the way can you help me replace some words like "disease", "health", "measure", "expensive" because I find them repeated too much and not academic enough? Thanks a lot for your help :)

good job...as em new here ...buh i guess i can help with disease other words could be: unhealthyness,contagious ,misery,illhealth plague etc,health other words could be:stamina,fitness.measure words could be procedure,action or means.expensive words could be high cost or high priced....well to giv u tip ....while i type an essay i use google for synonyms..;)..it helps
Jun 3, 2014   #5
There has always been a saying in medicine: "Prevention is better than cure". This statement has raised a question whether the government should allocate a large sum out of the national health budget to educating and phasing in health-protected measures. In my opinion, this plan should be put into practice for the two reasons mentioned accordingly.

Good intro. :)
In my opinion, this plan should be put into practice for the two reasons mentioned accordingly.
No one can arguedeny the importance to includeincluding health lessons in school programmes, especially at primary level, in the hope of raising the level of people's awareness on health and hygiene.
Overall, you write very well. Your grammatical mechanics and vocabularies are good. I really like if you finish writing this into 40 minutes

"Prevention is better than cure"

Well, I don't really agree if you put a saying or maxim into your sentence(s). Why? Saying, maxim, etc., can be categorized as memorized phrases in IELTS. You may get penalized for this.

Good luck for your exam :D
Jun 3, 2014   #7
Good intro. :)
In my opinion, this plan should be put into practice for the two reasons mentioned accordingly.
No one can argue deny the importance to include including health lessons in school programmes, especially at primary level, in the hope of raising the level of people's awareness on health and hygiene.

Thank you Dumi :) That's great. You can always find a better way to write my sentences.

Overall, you write very well. Your grammatical mechanics and vocabularies are good. I really like if you finish writing this into 40 minutes

Thank you eddies for you lovely words, I will try more.

Well, I don't really agree if you put a saying or maxim into your sentence(s). Why? Saying, maxim, etc., can be categorized as memorized phrases in IELTS. You may get penalized for this.

I see. I thought it related to my essay. Next time there will be no maxim :)

I guess that 3 reasons would be more powerful :)

Well Yirunli, I am afraid it would be too long? I have spent nearly 40 mins on this so maybe I will try next time :)
If you want to write a balanced answer for an "agree or disagree" question, it's important to get the introduction right. this is an example:

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Here's my introduction. Notice that I use a "while" sentence to express my balanced opinion.

It is true that some celebrities are known for their glamourous lifestyles rather than for the work they do. While I agree that these celebrities set a bad example for children, I believe that other famous people act as positive role models.


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