Okey...
Here do I show a few you should work with:
But, for children it depends on the areas and types of the work.
I prefer to use "however" instead of "but" in the first of the sentence. "But" sometimes is used in the middle of the sentence.
Some works are important and refine characters of the children. On the other hand, some works are proved to be hard for child's health.
Follow this:
"While/ Although some works are proved...., some are important and refine..." Placing all or part of the main sentence at the end of the sentence. This focuses on the reader's attention on the complexity, rather than the simplicity, in this way address the essay's topic.
paid work must be appreciated (a comma) but it must be good for children's health and mind
they earn more as compared to other works to support their families, as well as, these works develop confidence and teach the students how to be a good member of society and introduce their country in world as a best country.
If you could, you'd better split these sentences. Therefore, your readers area easy to follow the logical order.
Good luck for your exam :)
Thanks.