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IELTS ESSAY: prison could prevent them from becoming criminals



devabe2005 46 / 96  
Jan 18, 2013   #1
IELTS QUESTION:
In most countries prison is the most common solution when people commit a crime. However, if they were to receive better education, it could prevent them from becoming criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

ANSWER:
In most countries prison is the most common solution when people commit a crime. However, if they were to receive better education, it could prevent them from becoming criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Prison is the best place where dangerous criminals and terrorist where jailed. In accord with the statement that if proper education given to criminal they will not commit crime in the future. I completely disagree with the statement that the education only will not prevent again to become criminals.

Apparently, education can change their mind if moral; ethics and disciplinary subject are taught to the criminal. Government should take arrangement for the criminal to study in jail so that they can earn a degree in the jail. For example, in Indian jail criminals are motivated to study in their desired and receive certificate for their graduation. Though, it changes the criminal to be a normal person but not completely for some extent.

On the other hand, mental and psychological treatment is necessary for their treatment. They must be given training in their field of interest to acquire job and other benefits which make them more responsible to prevent them to becoming criminals. Moreover, yoga and meditation make them fit for both mentally and physically. They have to be monitored and given psychological treatment according to their mental disability. They have to teach about well being, health, dynamism, self-respect and prosperity.

In a nutshell, criminals also a human being they have to treated for their mental and physical illness. Education only not averts to become criminal they have to be steadily monitored and treated for psychological and other illness. Altogether, education and treatment will help to stop some extent of criminals.

Prison is the best place where dangerous criminals and terrorist where jailed. In accord with the statement that if proper education given to criminal they will not commit crime in the future. I completely disagree with the statement that the education only will not prevent again to become criminals.

Apparently, education can change their mind if moral; ethics and disciplinary subject are taught to the criminal. Government should take arrangement for the criminal to study in jail so that they can earn a degree in the jail. For example, in Indian jail criminals are motivated to study in their desired and receive certificate for their graduation. Though, it changes the criminal to be a normal person but not completely for some extent.

On the other hand, mental and psychological treatment is necessary for their treatment. They must be given training in their field of interest to acquire job and other benefits which make them more responsible to prevent them to becoming criminals. Moreover, yoga and meditation make them fit for both mentally and physically. They have to be monitored and given psychological treatment according to their mental disability. They have to teach about well being, health, dynamism, self-respect and prosperity.

In a nutshell, criminals also a human being they have to treated for their mental and physical illness. Education only not averts to become criminal they have to be steadily monitored and treated for psychological and other illness. Altogether, education and treatment will help to stop some extent of criminals.

joythblessy 86 / 266  
Jan 18, 2013   #2
hai..

:The first sentance,
Prison...===> ....where kept.

:govt should make necessary arrangements for the criminal to study in jail, so that they can obtain a degree during the period of imprisonment.

:the next para i am afraied tht you are deviated from the topiC.

The prompt asked whether the education can prevent people to became criminals or not as far as i understood. So you should tell the impotants of education in preventing persons to became criminals..

All the best..
Tessy

Excuse for spelling mistakes.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jan 19, 2013   #3
Prison is the best place where dangerous criminals and terroristwhere jailed.

...."where" is used twice in this sentence. The second one is not necessary.

In accord with the statement that if proper education given to criminal they will not commit crime in the future.

... this has several issues; grammar and some technical issues such as "educating criminals". I think you need to educate people to prevent them from becoming criminals.

According to the statement, if a proper education is given to people, it is very likely that they would not commit crime in the future.
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Jan 19, 2013   #4
You need to work on your grammar and presentation. You have good poiwhich are not presented nicely.

Prison is the best place where dangerous criminals and terrorist where jailed.

You have said "where" twice in the same sentence.

Though, it changes the criminal to be a normal person but not completely for some extent.

This sentence does not seem to sound correct. Kindly rephrase it.

You break the nice flow of the sentence by saying "treatment" twice in the sentence.


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