child and youth misbehaviour
In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?
A generation ago, the bond between teachers and children was strong and children were taught to look up to their teachers. However, it seems clear that children do not have the same respect for teachers as in the past. This essay will analyse the reasons why students misbehave in school and propose some remedial actions that can be taken to counter this issue.
One of the primary cause of the problem can be attributed to the lack of structure and discipline in school is becoming more prominent. In Vietnam, for example, students often chat in the classrooms and ignore the teachers, especially the gentle teachers, therefore the atmosphere are extremely noisy. The solution is for the school assembly to enforce a clear rule. They also need to punish justifiably the misbehaviour students which would result in a healthy ecosystem and children behave appropriately.
Another vital problem is that some parents are too lenient and spoil their offspring. In many Asian countries, children are used to getting whatever they want at home, therefore, they will tend to act in the same manner at school. Additionally, in this fast pace of modern life, parents tend to devote very little time with their adolescents, as a result, children lack parental guidance and they have a minimum knowledge about the moral values as well as the sense of respect to their teachers. To tackle this issue, parents must take responsibility for shaping their children's behaviour and they need to work closely with schools because schools can do very little if they are not supported by parents.
A third cause of the problem is that there are too many students in some classes. Recently, it has become evident that controlling a large-size lass is extremely hard and teachers do not allow using corporal punishments in schools, therefore, teachers cannot manage all the students' behaviour. For instance, the average student numbers in most classes in Vietnam is 45, this makes teachers struggle with their children for many minutes before they can start the lessons. The way forward could be to cut the number of student in classes, and to take on more teaching assistants, which would help to control the children.
To sum up, it is clear that, children's misbehaviour is becoming significant in many schools, due to reasons such as the lack of discipline and education from home. Unless schools revamp their education system and parents become stern and create a harmonious environment at home, the children will continue to behave badly in school. My view is that the youth are the future of our society and it is our fundamental duty to guide and make them compassionate human beings.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15366 Nguyen, your approach to the prompt paraphrase / thesis statement is incorrect. The other problem, is that you added a discussion in the concluding summary that was unnecessary. The reasoning paragraphs are strong and well written though. Those are the major problems with your work. There are some minor issues as well that I will be pointing out in this review. Let me get into more details below.
As I previously mentioned, your opening paraphrase has an incorrect approach to the discussion instruction. Unlike the comparison opinion essays, this is a direct question essay. For a direct question essay, you must present at least one direct response for each question. This will help you to better create your discussion outline for the reasoning paragraphs and also, offer the reader a quick insight into what the discussion you will be presenting is all about. So, rather than saying "This essay will...", you should instead be saying; "One of the possible causes of this problem are..." and "A doable solution can be found in..." as a response to both questions in individual sentence presentations as part of the prompt paraphrase.
I also believe that you have a slight prompt deviation in the essay because you focused your paraphrase on teachers, when the proper synonym to use would have been educational institutions, faculty, or school house. Not teachers because they are not specifically mentioned in the paraphrase. The discipline of the student is an overall academic problem and not just a teacher's problem. However, that slight mistake did not take away from your effective reasoning so you can forget that for now. Just make sure you don't do it again in the future.
A review of your concluding paragraph shows that you are closing the essay with a strong summary of the causes and solutions you presented. However, you added a personal opinion as the final sentence, which was based on a different topic that was not part of the original summary or given presentation. That was a personal opinion that was not required by the prompt and therefore, should not have been presented because it opened a new line of discussion which, as you very well know, cannot be done when presenting a concluding paragraph. Always review the prompt requirements and make sure to deliver only the required data. Don't add information that isn't specifically asked for because that could change the slant of your essay or, as in this case, create an open ended essay which means you did not effectively close your discussion.
By the way, just as you should not write less than 250 words, you also should not write more than 300 words. At 448 words, you did not only write too many words but you ran out of time to actually write this essay. You also did not leave any time for you to review your content for clarity, cohesiveness, sentence structure, and other grammar related issues that may have an effect on your final score. Next time, write using a timer. If you are not done by the time the timer indicates the end of 30 minutes, you are writing too much information in the essay. You should use no more than 25 minutes for your draft. The last 5-10 minutes should be used for review and editing. That is the best way to improve your score.