Hi, please correct my essay Thanks
I want this essay to reviewed for my ielts exam. Need a band above 8
Here is my topic
Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't.
Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Most of professional sportsmen are quite shown to public by community compare to few years ago through media. In general, a lot of athletes have managed to win the audience whereas others failed due to their behavior. In my view, it's important have good influencer on younger generation and many expert athletes show they have essential qualities.
A sports man generally percepts a healthy image. Being healthy is one of lesson that teachers teach on daily basis and these people often follow having good and balance diet but fast food funks. For example, a football player must eat a lot of foods contain calcium to keep their bones fit. Therefore, a good hygiene would be provided inexplicitly by these people.
Apart from having diet, a practice helps having a healthy diet but it is pointed as a dedication to what he does best rather than healthy fit. Dedication should run through every teenager's mind and seeing those people achieve greatness with dedication and effort would convince anybody that anything is just a step away from possibility. For example, David Beckham is a idol in football and he achieved that by dedication. Dedication would provide the concrete mentality to go after ambitions.
Last but not least, dedication is one of the character that could be seeing in a person. Having a good behavior would be an ultimate victory for anybody because every parents or teachers ultimate goal is for them to learn and live their lives with respect and moral values. For example, if an athlete would show kindness in community, teenagers would have lined up and follow his footsteps. A good role model would reflect good behavior.
In contrast, some parents are against following footsteps of an experienced sports person because athletes are not educated. If these experts would have shown good qualities, parents should have let their children idolized them.
In conclusion, It's essential provide good role models to the society and many professional athletes have what it takes to be a role model such as dedication, good hygiene and good behavior. Therefore, they are one of the best type of people to be followed.
I want this essay to reviewed for my ielts exam. Need a band above 8
Here is my topic
Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't.
Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Most of professional sportsmen are quite shown to public by community compare to few years ago through media. In general, a lot of athletes have managed to win the audience whereas others failed due to their behavior. In my view, it's important have good influencer on younger generation and many expert athletes show they have essential qualities.
A sports man generally percepts a healthy image. Being healthy is one of lesson that teachers teach on daily basis and these people often follow having good and balance diet but fast food funks. For example, a football player must eat a lot of foods contain calcium to keep their bones fit. Therefore, a good hygiene would be provided inexplicitly by these people.
Apart from having diet, a practice helps having a healthy diet but it is pointed as a dedication to what he does best rather than healthy fit. Dedication should run through every teenager's mind and seeing those people achieve greatness with dedication and effort would convince anybody that anything is just a step away from possibility. For example, David Beckham is a idol in football and he achieved that by dedication. Dedication would provide the concrete mentality to go after ambitions.
Last but not least, dedication is one of the character that could be seeing in a person. Having a good behavior would be an ultimate victory for anybody because every parents or teachers ultimate goal is for them to learn and live their lives with respect and moral values. For example, if an athlete would show kindness in community, teenagers would have lined up and follow his footsteps. A good role model would reflect good behavior.
In contrast, some parents are against following footsteps of an experienced sports person because athletes are not educated. If these experts would have shown good qualities, parents should have let their children idolized them.
In conclusion, It's essential provide good role models to the society and many professional athletes have what it takes to be a role model such as dedication, good hygiene and good behavior. Therefore, they are one of the best type of people to be followed.
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