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IELTS: Do you believe that professional athletes make good role model for young people?

pplhvnh1706 1 / -  
Feb 9, 2021   #1

good or bad example?

Sport is one of the most common entertainment around the world. From children to adults, everyone likes sport. This kind of enjoyment can be demonstrated in many ways, such as: watching a football match, playing badminton with friends every weekend, etc. Due to the popularity of many sports, a lot of athletes are known in many places. Especially, for children, these athletes play an important role in setting good models to them. Not every athlete is good nor bad model.

Many children like playing sports. When they truly enjoy any kind of sport, they will spend time for it, including professional athletes playing that sport. A professional athlete will be a best ever model for them to learn to. A good athlete will teach them how to play well during the match, show them skills needed to have, etc. The knowledge an athlete gives will help children improve their personal skill in the kind of sport they engage in. Besides, not only show them how to play well, a good athlete can be seen as a good example of trying hard to achieve goals in life. Children will never be afraid of difficulties or give up due to any challenge, they keep going to like their favorite athlete.

However, professional athletes are not always good role model. There're many athletes have bad behavior during and after the match. Children who see or read about their behavior can misunderstanding of the purpose of sport. Especially, many athlete use drugs to improve their performance, so the children will think being the best without consideration, even breaking the rule can be accepted. Moreover, bad behavior of athlete can lead to bad behavior in children. They can easily get angry just because of losing any match, fighting with other player or even cheating.

Sport play an important role in children' lives so as athletes. Professional athlete should consider their behavior before acting because not only they're in trouble after a wrong one.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,830 4781  
Feb 10, 2021   #2
The first 3 sentences of the restatement paragraph are only filler sentences that do not relate to the actual topic. You need to use sentences that will actually help focus the reader on the target discussion. That is, whether or not athletes are good role models. Something along the lines of:

Athletes are considered by most young people as their role models. Young men and women tend to follow the actions of their sports idols with much eagerness, often patterning their lives after that of exemplary sportsperson. The way I see it, good or bad, sports icons remain examples for their fans. As a cautionary tale, the young adults their errors serve as a good life lesson for their fans. As a positive role model, the young people will know how to properly live their lives based on the actions of the athletes.

This is not a comparison essay. The original prompt asks you to choose which opinion regarding athletes you feel is correct, giving you the option to discuss and support your opinion within 2 clear reasoning paragraphs. Both paragraphs need to clearly explain a reason why you believe they are positive role models, or negative, depending upon your opinion.

Do not use a comparison discussion in a single opinion essay. You will be scored down in the TA section due to a lack of clear opinion.
coheny 1 / 4  
Feb 13, 2021   #3
everyone likes sport

As far as I am concerned, the sentence of the first paragraph 'everyone likes sport', this kind of sentence is too simple. So, you may avoid using it in IELTS test.
boboiboy1a3 1 / 2  
Feb 16, 2021   #4
In paragraph 2, I suggest using " First of all" or "On the one hand" because in paragraph 3 you used "However"

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