Profit from movie genres - BAR GRAPH

(I am practicing for the IELTS exams, hope that I can receive your opinions or even the band score)

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - BAR GRAPH

The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of profits made from movies in seven different genres over the course of 10 years.

Overall, it is clear that drama and comedy were the two most profitable genres. The opposite was true for musicals and animation. Also noticeable was that in 1995, the amount of money earned from drama was the largest.

Drama, comedy, adventure and action were much more profitable than the others. In 1995, there was a figure of 28% for drama, which gradually increased to 16% in 2005. The same pattern was seen in action movies, which started at 16% and ended at 14% in 2005. Whereas, comedy and adventure saw increases in their figures, which were 24% and 27% in 2005 respectively.

Regarding thriller and musicals, these two genres witnessed the same pattern in three given years. Their profits went down by about 2,5%. Meanwhile, an upward trend was seen in animation movies, from 3% in 1995 to 8% in 2005.

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Be precise in the summary overview. Youmust include the specific years as provided. If it is mentioned in the image overview. you must include it in the summary.

You are required to give a trending sentence, not a trending paragraph.Pick a trend and present it asa lending sentence at the end of the summary overview. Use the rest as comparison paragraph information.

You only need 3 paragraphs in this essay rather than 4. By using 4 paragraphs, you are not presenting summarized comparison and discussion points. This error in presentation was caused by the unnecessary inclusion of the trending paragraph. 4 paragraphs are normally used when 2 images are provided.

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First, the graph did not show the course of 10 years because the data show a specific year in the span of 10 years.

"money earned from the drama ..."

You use too much chronological explanation on the data, but you should the comparison. Because of that, the body paragraph feels lacking.

Thanks so much for your advice <3