The programs as a charity or helping neighbourhood have a lot of advantages for students

Hello Guys. help me to correct my essay. Thank You so much.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children ).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

This day, there are many programs for students in high school those aim to be a sense of mutual cooperation in society such helping a charity and building the neighbourhood. while some opinions say that it should be an obligation, I think that the unpaid community service including young people is excellent treatment as a human being.

If youth takes a part of charity events, it can be a trouble in school subjects. Students face inconsistent of class' lessons because the schedule of community services is deadline, there is none time managing to design to be expert of subject in school. In any cases, when student want to take an exam, they should be more concentration on his or her subject to catch a high grade. They could be failed if do not study hard for class examination. Therefore, to join in part of group service is unnecessary for young generation because formal education must be the number one.

Although working community life for students is not entirely good way for young children, it has also positive sides improving children's future particularly their mutual connection. Firstly, they can do a friendship keeping touch each other in every event. Moreover, when some students teach sports they can learn by doing new situation or condition and then they realize numerous relationships with new people while he or she involves of a charity affair. Moreover, it has a wide range of benefits such as self-confident and independently. Secondly, being a part of that event is more and more new experiences can be touched it become a personal life to be high level in society because of become an active person. So, it brings more proud of student's family.

To sum up, the programs as a charity or helping neighbourhood are a children pride and having a lot of advantages for students. Those are good for children a lead in the future bright as human being.

Hi Diqon, I'll be going part by part in your essay once again. Here we go:

-These days, there are many high school programs for students that aim to teach them about mutual cooperation in society. Some of these unpaid community programs include charity work and neighborhood assistance programs. While others believe that such programs should be unpaid and voluntary, there are those who believe it should be compulsory for high school students. I believe that there are advantages to unpaid community service for high school students.


- Change your argument. This paragraph does not make any sense. Keep in mind that the community service is always an after school activity and therefore, does not interfere with school work. You need to rethink what it is you want to say in terms of the negative effects of unpaid community service. An example of the negative effect could be resentment on the part of the youth since the program is compulsory instead of voluntary. They may not like it when they are forced to do something after school that they do not want to do.


- A better argument for this would be to redirect the conversation towards the character building benefits of unpaid, compulsory community service. Explain how the youth can benefit from this activity because it can keep them out of harms way in the form of gangs and other publicly known "negative" after school activities.


- ... the charity and neighborhood programs could be a source of pride for the compulsory, unpaid high school students because they learn social skills and lessons that are not taught in the classroom as proven by my previous discussions. Such an activity can lead these youth towards a brighter future.

Your thoughts really impress me. You really understand the essay prompts. I hope that I can help guide you towards improving your English grammar over time. I believe that your grammar is showing small signs of improvement with every essay. Keep practicing and don't give up :-)

hello,, let me try to give some suggestions on your passage.
for students in high school those aim to be ...
keep in mind about singular and plural.
for students in high school those aims to be ...

mutual cooperation in society such helping a charity ...
it is better if u add "as"
mutual cooperation in society such as helping a charity ...

when student want to take an exam, they should be more concentration on
you have to make sure how many students? and you need verb not noun (concentration is a noun)
when the students want to take an exam, they should be more concentrate on

thanks, hope it can helps

Diqon and vang - why u write the opinion of other people, there is no explanation for them.
Diqon it is THESE DAYS not this.
Then instead of aim to be u should write AIM TO CREATE THE SENSE

Hello, I'll just have a try.

I suggest you agree with this idea, but the second paragraph is talking about the disadvantages of unpaid community service, which is not reasonable.
It's better to refute these disadvantages to prove that you agree with the view.

Moreover,W hen some students teach sports they can learn[by doing t#FF0000] IN new situation or condition and then they realize numerous relationships with new people while he or she IS involveD IN a charity affair.

Moreover, it has a wide range of benefits such as self-confident and independently.
Secondly, being a part of that event BRINGS more and more new experiences can be touched.

it becomeS a HIGH LEVEL personal life in society because of become an active person.
I am not quiet sure about the meaning this sentence.

Thanks.