Hi Miro Cai,
It is a good essay since you have shown both sides of the argument. However, I have some corrections which may help you.
Well, these are your topic sentences:
Body 1: ... of joining
an international exchange program
s for
studentsyoungsters .
Body 2: ... students
is that it would be ...
Body 3: ... also have some negative aspects.
(need stronger argument)In writing introduction, you just need to do two things:
1. Give some background to the topic (this is usually taken or paraphrased from the question)
2. Tell the reader what will be in your essay (thesis statement + summarizing of your topic sentences or main points)
International exchange programs among teenage students have become ...
... than drawbacks to students (background) . Personally, I agrees with this idea (thesis statement) .
Without a good thesis statement and topic sentences that answer the question, your argument could collapse. Remember that although most marks on the IELTS do not come from the introduction, you need to write a good introduction in order to have a coherent essay. So, allow me to rewrite it:
Programs of international exchange among teenage students have become increasingly popular these days. Many educationalists claim the benefits of such programs outweigh the drawbacks (background) . Personally, I agree (thesis statement) that these international exchange programs are undoubtedly useful in shaping knowledge, experience as well as soft skills even though it is costly and far away from home (main points in which you will explain it in body para) .Your body paragraphs are well done, but I recommend you to rewrite the body para 3 like your previous ones: thesis statement, explanation and then example.
For example,(avoid using for example in the conclusion) they offer an ...
Then, your conclusion is mainly restate your thesis statement plus main points. It is better if you give your personal opinion/recommendation here.
In conclusion, although students joining international exchange programs feel isolated at times and may spend great expense, they are able to broaden their horizon and enhance their personality better. As such, it is imperative that these programs should be supported by alleviating its constraints less severe.
Good luck!