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IELTS: are advantages of international exchange programs more than disadvantages?

EssaywritingCai 1 / 2 2  
Jul 7, 2015   #1
Hello everyone,
I am new here, and I find this forum very useful. This is my essay, I hope someone could proofread it for me and give me some advice, greatly appreciate.

International exchange programs for teenage school students have more advantages than disadvantages. Do you agree or disagree?

exchange programs could greatly benefit students in many aspects

International exchange programs become increasingly popular these days. Some people think that such programs have more benefits than drawbacks to students. Personally, I agrees with this idea.

Gaining an opportunity to learn a new culture and a different language would be the primary benefits of joining an international exchange program for students. As most of them would stay with local families during the program, they would most likely involve in local residents` daily lives. Through the interaction, these youngsters could have a better understanding of their destination country`s traditions and cultures. Similarly, their second language would be greatly improved because they have to spend most of the time using it to communicate.

Another advantage for exchange students would be to develop their independent abilities. Staying in an alien country, these immature minds have to deal with many problems that they would never meet in their home countries. For example, with very limited local language and few friends, they may have to confront a sense of loneliness, and how to get on with local students. By overcoming these difficulties, they could better handle many problems in future studies or careers.

International exchange programs, however, also have some negative aspects. For example, the expenditure of such programs are often expensive. For many families, especially average ones, this expense could be a great financial burden. In addition, the tradition and culture of the students` destination countries would greatly differ to their own ones, thus many of them may feel alienated and homesick.

In conclusion, although international exchange programs cause some issues, they could greatly benefit students in many aspects. For example, they offer an opportunity to these students to learn a different culture and language while improving their independence. For this reason, I believe that advantages of such programs outweigh their disadvantages.

word count[299]

shintacandrade 10 / 74 87  
Jul 7, 2015   #2
Hi Miro Cai,
It is a good essay since you have shown both sides of the argument. However, I have some corrections which may help you.

Well, these are your topic sentences:

Body 1: ... of joining an international exchange programs for studentsyoungsters .
Body 2: ... students is that it would be ...
Body 3: ... also have some negative aspects.(need stronger argument)

In writing introduction, you just need to do two things:
1. Give some background to the topic (this is usually taken or paraphrased from the question)
2. Tell the reader what will be in your essay (thesis statement + summarizing of your topic sentences or main points)

International exchange programs among teenage students have become ...
... than drawbacks to students (background) . Personally, I agrees with this idea (thesis statement) .

Without a good thesis statement and topic sentences that answer the question, your argument could collapse. Remember that although most marks on the IELTS do not come from the introduction, you need to write a good introduction in order to have a coherent essay. So, allow me to rewrite it:

Programs of international exchange among teenage students have become increasingly popular these days. Many educationalists claim the benefits of such programs outweigh the drawbacks (background) . Personally, I agree (thesis statement) that these international exchange programs are undoubtedly useful in shaping knowledge, experience as well as soft skills even though it is costly and far away from home (main points in which you will explain it in body para) .

Your body paragraphs are well done, but I recommend you to rewrite the body para 3 like your previous ones: thesis statement, explanation and then example.

For example,(avoid using for example in the conclusion) they offer an ...

Then, your conclusion is mainly restate your thesis statement plus main points. It is better if you give your personal opinion/recommendation here.
In conclusion, although students joining international exchange programs feel isolated at times and may spend great expense, they are able to broaden their horizon and enhance their personality better. As such, it is imperative that these programs should be supported by alleviating its constraints less severe.

Good luck!

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