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IELTS ESSAY:WHAT CAN WE DO TO PROMOTE EQUALITY?


bey 1 / 2  
Oct 9, 2013   #1
Hi all, I would like to write my views here. Could someone review and correct it. I would highly appreciate your views on this. Thank you

What Can We do to Promote Equality?

Introduction

Equality can be defined as a leveling process through which the differences between people are minimized. It is essential to achieve equality despite people's differences in terms of their nationality, voice, color, origin, religion, sex and age. To promote equality we need to provide equal and adequate opportunities and equal rights.

One possible solution is to provide equal and adequate opportunity for all individuals without any discrimination. By providing adequate opportunity, we ensure that the right man gets the right opportunity and not equal distribution of family property among successors'. Providing equal opportunity gives an individual a fair chance to achieve their full potential. It should be done in a manner that encourage and value diversity. It also aims at correcting past imbalances and ensures that dealings with different peoples are conducted in a constructive way which does not lead to unjustified discrimination.

Protection of rights and freedom of an individual and treating them fairly is the second approach to promoting equality. All people in a society must be treated in a manner that promotes dignity and ensures that they are at par with each other. Providing equal rights in contesting, voting and holding public office bridges the gap between the common person and the high in the society. The highest office in the land should be within the reach of the average person in the street.

Conclusion

Protecting individual rights and freedom and providing them with equal opportunity is a sure way of promoting equality as they encourage diversity and does not lead to discrimination. Each person, society or organization should aim at promoting equality through his or her actions or policies.

fahadbd 25 / 56 5  
Oct 9, 2013   #2
you should write at least 250 or above words otherwise short writing will decrease your score
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 9, 2013   #3
Well... it's good if you posted the full prompt with the essay for us to understand it better. Generally, the IELTS prompts for this task are much more descriptive than what you've written above, so I guess it is just a part of the prompt. Also, it seems you can write very well. Your sentences, vocabulary, grammar , all very good. However, this topic is different to other topics we deal with IELTS and I wonder whether I can suggest you the normal essay structure we follow for this one too.
OP bey 1 / 2  
Oct 10, 2013   #4
INTRODUCTION- Introduce your topic + State your opinion/ position

dumi could you please give the introduction please if you dont mind
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 15, 2013   #5
Okkkkkk...let me ease dumi's work a little bit :D

Equality can be defined as a leveling process through which the differences between people are minimized. It is essential to achieve equality despite people's differences in terms of their nationality, voice, color, origin, religion, sex and age. To promote equality we need to provide equal and adequate opportunities and equal rights.

Yes, here you have a good hook which is;

Equality can be defined as a leveling process through which the differences between people are minimized

Now let's come to the background of the intro;

It is essential to achieve equality despite people's differences in terms of their nationality, voice, color, origin, religion, sex and age.

This is pretty good, but I (may be dumi too) feel you can align this more with the topic. Tell there is an issue that equality does not exist and we need to make some effort to bring it among people. The issue part is not properly conveyed to the reader.

To promote equality we need to provide equal and adequate opportunities and equal rights.

Since this is not an agree/disagree essay, this is fine for the conclusion of your intro.
Hope this helps you
You have excellent writing skills :)
OP bey 1 / 2  
Oct 16, 2013   #6
thanks a lot that was an eye opener
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 19, 2013   #7
thanks Pahan... that's good work ;)


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