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IELTS Task 2: What should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women at work

Riley Nguyen 1 / 2 1  
Jun 10, 2017   #1

inequality at work

In our modern era, women have attained many achievements on a par with that of men, which is a positive sign of the disappearance of sexual discrimination. Female, nevertheless, still be treated unfair in salary and promotion prospects at work.

It is controversial that this issue is unlikely to be solved as sexual inequality has lasted since ancient time and been regarded as a portion of tradition. But, from my perspective, if people work together and change our comprehension, we can figure out this matter.

One possible solution is that government should pass a law on women rights. The law has to point out that male and female must be paid the same and have equal promotion prospects in every career. Besides, the law must contain maternity leave so female will have sufficient time for either their children or work. Particularly, the law has to be obeyed by every individual, company and organization.

Another practical approach for the government is to set a bright example and take the lead by recruiting the same number of male and female staff and making sure that female staffs have equal promotion opportunities and salary in comparison with that of male. In addition,government should organize events to praise female's devotion in the workplaces.

To conclude, I want to confirm that sexual inequality at work is a difficult issue, however, if we work together, this problem will be solved. It is high time the government passed a law on women rights and taken the lead against sexual inequality in the workplaces.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Jun 10, 2017   #2
Riley, the discussion that you have presented shows a lack of current knowledge regarding the treatment of women in the workplace. These solutions that you are proposing have already been implemented on a world wide scale, unless these laws have not been enacted in your country? In which case, the essay would have become stronger and made more sense if you indicated that you are discussing the issue as it relates to the inequality of women's treatment in your country. Your English sentence composition needs work. You need to work on your knowledge of word plurality (female should be females). Your conclusion is also flawed as it does not properly sum up the essay prompt and previous facts in relation to your opinion.

By the way, I am assuming that this is the way that this essay is to be written. Without the original prompt posted, I can't accurately say that you have properly developed your essay discussion and represented the instructions in a relevant manner. Please remember to post the prompt along with your essay when you post your next essay on the forum.
OP Riley Nguyen 1 / 2 1  
Jun 11, 2017   #3
Thanks for your advice. I will try harder next time.

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