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Task 1: The proportion of goods exports in EU countries


Maya29 14 / 18 14  
Jun 8, 2016   #1
The proportion of European Union countries which exported their commodities to Brazil and Russia during 2010 to 2011 is presented in the pie charts. Overall, it can be seen that Germany held the highest export rate to both of the countries.

Germany cornered the percentage at virtually a third that also made it became the biggest exporter from EU to Brazil and Russia. Italy and France became the next major states that sent their goods to Brazil at slightly above one in ten. Even though, this situation did not occur in Russia.

Less change was seen to Netherlands, Finland, Spain, Belgium, Sweden, Austria and UK which had minor proportion at less than 10% exports to both countries. The least number was reached by Finland and Spain for their products selling to Brazil and Russia, respectively. However, other mentioning EU countries placed the second rank by a quarter for the biggest EU exports to Russia.




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jun 8, 2016   #2
Maya, it is nice to see your writing again after a long absence. The descriptions below are my contribution towards your essay. I hope you can follow through.

1st paragraph
- ...their commodities to Brazil and Russia duringfrom 2010 to 2011...
- Overall, it can be seen that, (comma is necessary) Germany held the highest export rate tofor both of the countries.

2nd paragraph
- ... goods to Brazil at slightly above one in ten. Even thoughHowever/In contrast/On the contrary , this situation did not occur in Russia.

3rd paragraph
- Less change was seen to Netherlands, Finland, Spain, Belgium, Sweden, Austria and UK which had minor proportion at less than 10% exports to both countries. (This can be considered as shop-listing. It is not recommended to keep doing this, you can avoid it by summarizing the information given, for example, 6 European countries / Scandinavian countries)

- HoweverNevertheless , the othermentioning EU countries placed the second...

As seen, even though I have given you some corrections, your words limit is still worrying. I think you can add more sentences or more information to your essay. You can aim for 165 - 190 words for an essay in Task 1 IELTS.

Cheers :)


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