The proportion of proficient persons in a foreign language among male and female students

Can someone help correct task 1 ielts & give some synonym

The chart illustrate the proportion of proficient in foreign language in male and female student in different nation in 2016.
Overall, the number of females proficient were much higher than the number of males in India, Romania, Vietnam and China. While, there was a different figure in Thailand.

Among 6 countries demonstrated, 3 countries had the most striking rates in both genders. India reaches the highest point of female undergraduates skillful in foreign languages, accounted for 68% and 56% for males. Followed by that of female versus male in Romania, vietnam and russia, were 64% versus 42%, 56% versus 39% and 43% versus 35%, respectively.

In china, the rate of female was approximately 31%, it was nearly two-fold than the figure for males. In contrast, the number of males proficient were higher than that of females in Thailand. However, the difference is very small, which was 6 (32% of males versus 27% females)

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Hi, I will try to give you a little comment. I hope it can help you.

In the Introduction, you must write paraphrase the title of the graph. "Percentages of students proficient in a foreign language".
this is your writing "The chart illustrate the proportion ... ." you can make it more compact, {The bar chart illustrates the percentages of pupils skills at six countries of foreign language in 2016.}. You must make groups for your data. I see the chart shows there are 5 countries who woman bigger than man. You can say all of the countries or just mention the exception. For example, {China, Romania, India, Rusia and Vietnam had the bigger data of woman who had the skill of a foreign language.} or {except the Thailand, woman has more percentage than men in all countries.}. and the third sentence you can make a comparison. {However, just Thailand had a bigger percentage of men than woman.}

So, if the sentence becomes one. it will be like this.

{The bar chart illustrates the percentages of pupils skills at six countries of foreign language in 2016. China, Romania, India, Rusia and Vietnam had the bigger data of woman who had the skill of a foreign language. However, just Thailand had a bigger percentage of men than woman.}

For the second paragraph, you can the positive data about the woman or the man. But, I suggest you make the biggest first of the categories. I will make an example. {IELTS writing actual test in December 2016, has data which five countries a dominant number of woman bigger than the man.}. It can make the first sentence in the second paragraph. After that, you can mention the number of percentages of the data.

I will make a complete paragraph as a sample.

{IELTS writing actual test in December 2016, has data which five countries a dominant number of woman bigger than the man. The comparison for the woman and man in China was above 28% than above 14%. The data of woman in Romania was above 63% than 42%. The different data in India of the woman and man data was near 14% which woman near 70 and man at 56. In Rusia woman gets 42% and man get 35%. The last countries who had big data of woman bigger than man were Vietnam with percentages 56% and near 43% in a row.}

In the last paragraph, you can mention about the different data from others.
And you can make like this, {In the bar charts not only the woman got the highest percentages, but also there was one country had the man data bigger dan woman. In Thailand, the data gives information that man had near 35% and woman get near 26%.}

And my last suggestion, the data is not absolute in the line of the percentage. So, you can not mention the absolute data which not display in the bar chart. You can use near or above for making the easy writing task 1 for IELTS.