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IELTS task 1 - The proportion of the use of water in several areas of the world in three categories

Yukizuna 1 / -  
Nov 18, 2022   #1

water used for different purposes

The charts below illustrate the proportion of the use of water in several areas of the world in three categories.

Based on the chart, agricultural use is the largest for the majority of the water used in South America, Africa, and Asia areas from 71 % up to 88%.

The purposes of water used are almost the same in the Africa and Asia areas. The percentages in agricultural use are the main purposes in those areas up to over 80%. Besides, the use in industrial and domestic are under 10% except for the domestic use in South East Asia has slightly different to the other.

By contrast, the used water in Europe and North America is reflected in the same purposes. The used water in industrial contribute the largest part of the water used in Europe and North America on average around 50% and over 30% of water is used in agricultural use and domestic use only shares 13-15% in total.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,830 4781  
Nov 19, 2022   #2
The writer has not specifically identified the type of image that was provided in the report. This will result in an inaccurate summary of information. The type of image is required as a part of the task accuracy consideration for that paragraph. Therefore, the type of image and number of images must be provided at the start of the presentation as it serves as the basis for the succeeding information. Since the reader is assumed to not have any copy of the image, the proper image presentation will help the reader create the required mental image for a better understanding of the image yet to be provided and analyzied.

A summary overview also requires a minimum of 3 sentences. This is often achieved by properly summarizing the notable information and then working in the trending assessment into the same first paragraph. That way the reader will be given a comprehensive summary of the notable information.

There is no real trending statement provided in this essay. A trending statement cannot contain actual numerical data from the images as it is to represent an assessment of information rather than an actual analytical report.

The reporting paragraphs would have been clearer if it indicated how the water was used per area first. That would make it a proper topic anchor and introduction sentence. Allowing the reader to better follow the discussion going forward into the reading.
DanielDang 5 / 8  
Nov 19, 2022   #3
I think you should not use the phrase "based on the chart" cause it can make the readers feel unnatural as they are forced to look at the graph. In this case, "overall" might be better.
Matt1313 4 / 7  
Nov 26, 2022   #4
Always put overall or a similar to word to point out an overview of the statement as it will make it easier for the reader to understand.

You can also name the places in the paraphrased initial prompt as it will both increase your word count and be considered a good paraphrase.

"The used water in industrial (...)" Is best split in parts as it creates confusion rather than complexity of grammar.
ditmemay 2 / 2  
Nov 27, 2022   #5
In my opinion, you ought to write "pie charts" in lieu of writing only "charts". Additionally, it is a greater idea to write "Overall" instead of "Based on the chart", which is non-essentially long.
Luana1017 2 / 2  
Nov 28, 2022   #6
I think you should not use the word "below" in introduction part because when you take real ielts exem, you will not draw chart in your writing.

When you write overall, you should write more than 1 sentence and don't add data in this part.

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