Providing different kind of support to improve the quality of life of citizens in poorer nation

Please let me know if you have suggestions how to improve to achieve band 6-6.5
Thanks in advance for your effort and time :)

movement of support toward poor countries

Topic:
Should wealthy nation be required to share their wealth among poorer nation by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nation to look after their citizens themselves?

Nowadays, globalization is the common event around the world. The wealthy nation starting providing different kind of support to improve the quality of life of citizens in poorer nation such as the education and food. Those support movement not only might praise as humanly action but also benefits both wealth and poorer nation.

Poorer nation always seems to be more easily to developing the extreme terrorism by terrorist group affect the uneducated citizens turn to terrorist and causing the civil war by fighting for resources. In general, support from wealth nation could be providing education that would increase the knowledge and training logic for the citizens to prevent affection from terrorism. Since terrorism are often came from poorer nation and terrorist attack usually aim for wealthy nation. Therefore, wealthy nation should providing support to poorer nation instead of the leaving the poorer nation develop the terrorism that might causing security threat for both type of nations.

In this kind of relationship, neither poorer nation would taking all benefit from wealthy nation nor have no return to wealthy nation. Regarding the poorer nation received the support from the wealthy nation, the quality of life and the economy of poorer might improve over time. The wealthy nation tend to be open new market for business opportunity or starting the investment when poorer nation during development process. That been said the support from wealth nation are most likely to benefit both type of nations.

Even though the government of poorer nation don't have ability to providing the necessary needs for their citizen. Still have many opposite view said the government of poorer nation have the responsibility to look after the citizens. I think it is often not possible to request the government of poorer nation to facing such difficult situation alone. As i mentioned before the wealthy nation should share the wealthy to poorer nation with regard to economy profit and terrorism threat.

Ricky, if you want to get a band score of 6 or higher for your future essays, you have to do two things. First, you need to improve your English understanding abilities, also known as comprehension skills and second, you need to practice developing simple English sentences. At the moment, your ability to discuss the correct topic based on the given prompt is not really good. In fact, it does not exist. You were asked to discuss whether the rich country should support the poor country. Somehow, you managed to turn it into a discussion about terrorism. That runs totally alternate to the prompt topic and discussion requirement. This essay that you wrote would not score higher than a 2. It is clear that you need to work on the points that I mentioned earlier because the essay that you wrote does not properly represent the required discussion. For now, I would like you to focus on developing your paraphrasing skills. That will help you improve your comprehension and restatement skills in relation to the scoring requirements of the Task 2 essay.