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Providing either health or education facilities is more crucial than allocating money for art sector



putri22 33 / 32  
Feb 21, 2016   #1
Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Government policy regarding spending money on several sectors continues to be a controversial topic among society. Some people argue that spending money in art is essential while others believe that it is better to allocate money for paying attention to health and education sector. I believe that money should be spent on improving health and education facilities for a better life.

On the one hand, supporters of investment in art may believe that art sector will generate gain for a country. For instance, many tourists decide to visit some countries thanks to art galleries there. They want to see the masterpieces directly and it leads the countries to obtain benefits from tourism sector due to the arts. Furthermore, by investing on art such as book, local dance and music will keep a country's culture and history alive for next generations. Also, the culture will be an identity of that country.

On the other hand, the opponents say that allocating money for improving health and education is the best choice since those sectors are key factors and basic necessity in humans' lives. To illustrate, some remote areas in Indonesia have lack of medical and education facilities. If they need medical treatment they have to go to the city that has a hospital to see the doctor. It is dangerous if they have an emergency situation and need to be treated immediately but they have to take a long journey to reach the inner city. In addition, children who want to get a formal education have a difficulty to find the nearest school in their village. As a consequence, they should take a long time up to two hours to reach their school by walking.

In conclusion, it is absolutely clear that providing either health or education facilities is more crucial than allocating money for art sector. It will help the villagers who live in the critical area due to lack of such facilities.

indah_hai 19 / 38  
Feb 21, 2016   #2
Dear putri22,

starting

On the one hand,

in the first body paragraph here is not really well because this is starting the first topic we are about to discuss...
before going to

For instance,

, it is better to add explanation to support the topic....

The question also ask our opinion, so I think this writing needs concession or your statement further more at the end of body paragraphs or in the conclusion.

Thanks
-indah-


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