TOEFL. There's a question whether a trip should be taken with the company of a tour guide...

Q. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

A. (392 words)

With the development of our society, travel has now become a popular way to relax ourselves, leave all the worries behind, fresh our minds, and find a motivation start over again. However, whether a trip should be taken with the company of a tour guide has also become a topic among travellers. Some argue that the best way to travel is in a group led by a professional tour guide while some prefer to enjoy the trip by themselves. With a bunch of travel experiences, I will definitely choose to have an experienced company. With a tour guide, the trip will surly be safe and fun. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate my point of views.

To begin with, a tour guide can not only provide advice on the trip, prevent the tourists from wasting their time on booking hotels and restaurants but he can also guide the tourists to several secret local spots which may not be widely-known. Other than bringing more fun, travelling in group allow the tourists to make new friends during the trip. During my family trip in Bali, the tourist guide helped us book the restaurant, and we, together with the friends we met in the travel group, could enjoy a descent dinner on the beach with the salty oceanic breeze blowing and the stars shining in the sky.

In addition, travelling with a tour guide is a safer choice especially when it comes to taking a trip in an exotic country. A lot of problems can occur if one is travelling alone in a strange place. With a tour guide, the problems such as language barriers and cultural conflicts will no longer worry us. Before my trip in Bali even started, the tour guide warned us about the worship ceremony on the island and emphasized that we should be careful not to touch offereings. After arriving the island, we saw a lot of plates with food and fruits placed on the ground for the ceremony. With the precaution from the guide, we were able to experience the culture without offending the locals.

In conclusion, travelling in a group with a professional tour guide can be a good choice for everyone. What's more, a tour guide can assure a trip to end up with safety, fun and a lot of unforgettable memories to be brought home.

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I was not able to finish the essay in time and it took be almost 50 minutes to figure out a better content :(
It also bothers me whether I should mention my own travel experience and I'm not sure if I'm putting it in a right way (should I make it an independent paragraph?).

Thanks for everyone who is willing to revise my essay <3
I'm grateful!!!

Tess, always stick to the timed practice tests. If you fail to write an essay within the allotted time then you fail the practice. It is better to fail during the practice rounds than to fail in the actual test due to timing difficulties. Here is a tip, when you write the essay, just jot down the first 3 reasons that come to mind and then build your essay around those items. The brainstorming ideas should cover:

1. Your opinion
2. The reason for your opinion
3. An example you want to present

Once you outline those 3 items, the essay will be much easier to develop into a paragraph format. As of now, you just have to write what comes to mind, but don't write more than 200 words. Your desire to write more words is what made you miss the time along with some other considerations. Aim for the minimum during the early practice tests. You can lengthen your essays as you improve your sentence development skills.

As to your question, since the IELTS Task 2 essays are always inclusive of a personal opinion discussion, then you must include a personal experience in the discussion whenever possible. That will help the examiner assess your ability to explain yourself using personal information in the English language. It helps to prove that you understood the prompt topic and discussion requirements as well. Thus, your TA score will have an increased chance of rating on the higher scoring scale.

You made one serious error in your opening statement. That is, you decided to begin discussing your opinion in the opening statement when that was not required. Since this is not a direct question essay, the statement of your direct opinion with a partial explanation is not required. Rather, only a paraphrasing or restatement of the discussion topic, along with an explanation of the discussion instruction is required.

Be careful of your word choices. "Descent" is an action of moving downward or falling while "Decent" means of an acceptable standard. That is a tricky thing when it comes to English words. Some of these have the same pronunciation but different spelling and meanings. Be careful. Using the wrong word / term in a sentence several times throughout the essay means your LR score will be directly affected in s negative manner.