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A questionnaire result about parkway hotel service between 2005 and 2010

ryan31 65 / 96 15
Nov 3, 2016   #1
The pie chart reveals the information about the proportion of questionnaire result of parkway hotel service between 2005 and 2010 and it is measured in the percentage. Overall, all services have experienced an alteration. In this case, while satisfactory and very poor experienced a decreasing trend, the opposite was seen in the remaining figures.

Initially, more visitors claimed the customer service was satisfactory at 45%, compared to other figures. This was followed by poor option at approximately 21%, while 15% was recorded in the chart for very poor, visitors said it was good at 14%. A small proportion saw in excellent.

Turning to 2010, the highest percentage was experienced in good at twice higher than the figure for satisfactory accounting for 17%. Following this, a significant jump by 24% saw in the excellent figure, boosting it to occupy the second position. This was in contrast to the figure for both poor and very poor seeing a decrease, with higher proportion shown in the former.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275
Nov 3, 2016   #2
Hi Riandi.
These are a few corrections for your writing.

all services have experienced an alteration

Avoid using this sentence. This is like the hackneyed sentence. As we can see, there are changes certainly.

This is the alternative overview:
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE VISITORS HAD FELT MORE PLEASURABLE THAN THE PREVIOUS YEAR.

Turning to the body paragraph, you describe the data separately based on years. I suggest you compare the figures in the different years,

Initially, more visitors claimed the customer service was satisfactory at 45%, compared to other figures

INITIALLY, THE VISITORS FELT SATISFIED WITH THE SERVICE, REPRESENTING AT 64% FOR TOTAL OF CATEGORIES' PERCENTAGES IN SATISFACTION VALUES (EXCELLENT, GOOD, AND SATISFACTORY).HOWEVER, THEIR ASSESMENT CHANGED IN THE FOLLOWING FIVE YEARS, MARKED WITH AN INCREASE BY A FIFTH OF TOTAL RESPONDERS.

Turning to 2010 CIRCUMSTANCE, the highest percentage was experienced in CLASSIFICATION "good" at twice higher ...
This was in contrast to the figure for both poor and very poor (I did not get the point of this sentence. Remember, your overall aim in the Writing Test is to COMMUNICATE with the examiner, not to 'impress' the examiner. Actually, their percentages dropped, not the categories) seeing a decrease, with higher proportion shown in the former.
septiadara29 48 / 67 9
Nov 3, 2016   #3
Hello riandi! I will give you some opinions about your essay.

(1) ... service between 2005 and 2010.Stop here and make new sentence. It will be better
(2) and it is measured in the percentage.
(3) In this case, while the number/ percentage/ figure/ quantity of satisfactory and very poor experienced a decreasingdownward trend, the opposite ...
(4) ... the highest percentage was experienced in good ...
(5) Following this, there was a significant jump by ...
(6) This was in contrast to the figure for ...
WasishaSisha 16 / 20
Nov 3, 2016   #4
Hi Ryan31,

- ... and 2010 and it is measured in the percentage ---> by

Attempt to use advance vocab:
- was satisfactory at 45% , ---> less than a half
- while 15% ---> less than a fifth
- A small proportion saw in excellent.---> minor, slight, narrow

- figure for both of poor and very ...

Keep writing.

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