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MY random writing to improve writing mainly Grammar and sentence structure


sgc908 1 / -  
Aug 18, 2018   #1

she is so perfect



Why is she so beautiful? I am here mean to say both inner and outer beauty. Inner beauty is all about the beauty of heart whereas outer beauty is about physical appearance. She is gorgeous, ingenuous and magnificent. My heart blooms when I talk with her. It's been about a 6 or 7 months when I started to talk with her and knowing her but I feel as if I have an inner connection from the very long time. I still remember hours of talk, making a presentation together for her, making a joke, singing a song and playing Antakshari.

I have devastating past about the relationship. I was completely broken by a mendacious lady from Butwal. She made my day and night so tough that even I couldn't have sound sleep during that period. She broke my both heart and trust that I could never trust her again in my life. I was shattered into pieces by her, But the gorgeous, ingenuous and magnificent girl from the Kavre made me so much strong and resilient that those broken pieces of the heart are now consolidated into a single piece. She taught me a lot of things throughout these time. Everyone wants such a precious lady to be a part of their life but I have to think from her side also. She always wants me to be a good friend and nothing beyond that. I can't break her expectation by going beyond that. Despite having an inner feeling for her I can't say to her express to her because I can't lose such a lady who helps me a lot to get over the devastating past. I have to make her happy by doing as her wish.

After a long time conversation finally, I got a chance to meet her. She was convinced to meet for the first time. That day was one of the best days of my life which can be counted in my hand's finger. I had such a great time with her that those memories would never fade away from my mind and heart. She is even more beautiful in real than in her picture. She is lofty. She has perfect BMI. Her astonishing beauty is the one which I couldn't describe in a paragraph and I don't have enough words in my words to describe how much beautiful is she. There is a saying "Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder". Whatever other eyes see her but this is what I see and feel about her that day. More than that I know that she is so much beauty in her inner heart. It makes me feel so great when I realize that she has a very nice heart, nice behavior. I wish even if not her I could get a girl similar to her in both inner beauty and outer beauty. She is one of the reason nowadays that I smile every day without a reason. She is the reason that I am doing great in my work every day. She is the reason for positive vibes in my life because she made me believe that good, naive, innocent people still exist near to us. She is the only reason for being optimistic towards the future that I can meet a good girl in my life may be not as much as beautiful to her but somehow at the certain level to her. Whatever happens in the future I will remember her till my last breath.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,531 3447  
Aug 19, 2018   #2
Sunii, as far as creative writing goes, this is a pretty decent written presentation. I can feel your heart in the words that you wrote and the pain that you felt during those instances of heartbreak. Regardless of the grammar mistakes, your imagination comes through clearly, and your message is heartfelt. You do not have a problem when it comes to expressing yourself in this essay. You do have a problem when it comes to sentence structure and connecting word usage.

One example of a problem in your writing can be seen in this quote:

I am here mean to say both inner and outer beauty.

- The proper sentence structure for this is: I mean to say both her inner and outer beauty. There is no need to say "I am here" because, as the writer, your presence is already granted by default.

I have devastating past about the relationship

- It would have been better to say "This relationship is part of my devastated past" or "This relationship devastated me"

Now, when you mention culturally specific instances such as the game of Antakshari, you need to remind yourself that the reader may not be familiar with the game or term so you need to present it in a manner that helps the reader understand the relevance of the game to the situation or merely explain the game to the reader.

There are several other grammar problems, sentence structure problems, and references that need to be corrected here but I can't do it all for you. However, I have pointed out one sample of each problem that you need to pay attention to the next time you write. I strongly suggest that you type your next essay using he latest version of MS Word as this software includes immediate grammar correction and sentence structuring advice which can help you create better essays by correcting your mistakes and teaching you about the grammar and sentence structure rules at the same time.


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