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TOEFL;The rapid growth of cities in today's world - Positive development?



blackwoman 1 / 1  
Sep 11, 2013   #1
The rapid growth of cities in today's world is a mostly positive development for the society

Over decades, the country we live in has become an increasingly urban society. Some argue that the rapid growth of urban today is a mostly positive development for the society. However, I counter that urbanization generates negative consequences and turns to problems for the cities.

First, growing cities causes economic problems which originate from its migration. In some cases, migration may causes problems for the citizens. This is because immigrants produce more labor for the local job markets. Take this fact into account, immigrants may displace the native workers. The reality is that not qualified immigrant workers and poor educated native worker battle for the same jobs. In addition, the crowed immigrants mass fulfill the request of lower-skilled workers, also replace the some of the least educated native workers. For these reasons, the job facility that the government creates for citizens will be used by immigrants. Consequently, the negative economic impacts of immigrants on the citizen's lives are undeniable.

Apart from economic problems, millions of people have to deal with traffic congestion on a daily basis. Traffic congestion can bring about negative sides in the city. The most harmful aspect of traffic congestion is its impacts on the environment. For example, cars that stop in traffic will produce a large volume of harmful carbon emission. Besides contributing to global warming, these emissions can cause more short-term and localized problems, such as smog and increased respiratory problems in a community due to poor air quality. Moreover, drivers who become impatient may be more likely to drive aggressively or dangerously. This contributes to poor health for those affected by the stress and puts other drivers in danger. Road rage also increases the danger posed to emergency workers or construction crew members who are working on the congested road close to dangerous drivers. As a matter of fact, these traffic issues will restrain the city in its development without appropriate solutions.

Further, social problems are associated with the expansion of urban areas, which brings about the general anxiety about the future. Urbanization makes people dependent on others for basic necessities; urban-dwellers must rely on the rural hinterland for agricultural production, for instance, because city residents do not have enough land to grow their own food. Urban-dwellers suffer the psychological degradation that comes from subsisting on other people to accomplish the activities of daily life, from transportation to education to entertainment. Worse yet, it contributes to an increase in mental health disorders.

From the above statements, we can conclude that the rapid progress of cities indeed have an array of negative effects, such as economic problems contributing to the migration, traffic congestion in human daily life, and social problems linked to mental pressure.

shadman19922 21 / 74  
Sep 11, 2013   #2
Grammar seems correct.

Moving to the content of the first topic, your main idea is the displacement of native workers. Thing is, this displacement may not be entirely true. A better way to tackle the unemployment issue is to discuss about unemployment that may be suffered by both indigenous people and immigrants, that way you tackle both sides of the employment issue.

The health issue mentioned in the second paragraph is pertinent and solid. and the third paragraph can be improved by detailing the problems mentioned.

Now, You mostly focused the problems arising from expansion. But, it is plausible for good things to happen as well. A little acknowledgement of the benefits can go a long way to make it impressive for readers.

Cheers
dumi 1 / 6795  
Sep 11, 2013   #3
Well ... your prompt talks about a general situation and it does not refer to a particular city. So, you should not narrow down its scope ( you talk about your city in particular ) and leave it in its real sense.

Also, please post your TOEFL essays into Writing feedback forum.
OP blackwoman 1 / 1  
Sep 11, 2013   #4
Thank you for your reply!
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Sep 20, 2013   #5
Traffic congestion can bring about negative sides in the city.

...not "can", but it is :D
Traffic congestion impacts very negatively on a city.

The most harmful aspect of traffic congestion is its impacts on the environment.

....very good sentence.

Good paragraph... you write very well, pay attention to what dumi suggested above. You can easily go for a very good score. Good Luck!


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