hi lina, i have read your essay, it was so interesting. now allow me to give a lot of suggestion.
As fast as the improvement of medical care ( you can use "medical treatment" for variasion) day by day, there have been some consequences like people being to live longer not to mention the rise of life expectancy in the recent time. This development evokes a big question whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks or not (better if you make more clear for your paraphase lina). In my point of view, there are more the dire effects rather than the positiveness (merit) as the result of this rapid change.
(better if you put main sentence here)It is undoubted that everyone desires to get (gaining) longer life to live . It would be pleasure if they can gather with (their (own) beloved people as much as they wish. To see (their (own) children growing up and getting married then, looking after (their (own) grandchildren and spending the whole life together seems to be the most wonderful dream wanted. (try to put other words in (...))
overall, this essay is very good lina. may you always obtain improvement. please pay more intention in reference devices like its, their, this etc.