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IELTS: Reason for fathers stay at home while mothers go out to work. Is it positive or negative?


db723 5 / 7 1  
Oct 1, 2015   #1
These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, stay-at-home fathers and working mothers are becoming common. The shift of gender roles within families could be generated by various reasons, which is a positive progress from my perspective.

There are reasons about this phenomenon. Firstly, it depends on personal preference. Women are eligible for gaining academic qualifications and pursuing a career because equal rights movements have promoted gender equality. Gone are the days when women belong only in the kitchen. They have options to work rather than to be housewives without choice. Secondly, the rising cost of living has put pressure on married families. The breadwinners of families should depend on which partner earns the most money rather than fixed gender roles. Lastly, special considerations should not be ignored. To be househusbands is the best option for some fathers who are disabled or suffering unemployment.

The emergence of househusbands and women breadwinners is a progress. The shift of gender roles shows that the society is open and generous. It eliminates the fixed and conservative gender roles, hence there are less gender bias. With this development, women are entitled to share equal opportunities. Besides the reduction in gender bias, this phenomenon works wonders for families. Both men and women could make the best contribution to the family. They are able to apply themselves in their skilled domains, to earn money or to assume childcare responsibilities. Children who are brought up by stay-at-home fathers could learn more masculinity from fathers. Therefore, the shift of gender roles is considered as a progress for both the society and families.

In conclusion, the rising amount of househusbands are caused by many reasons. I take the view that it is a positive development for both the society and families.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 1, 2015   #2
Isabelle, try to expand your introduction to the prompt. It falls short at 2 sentences. If you can bring it up to at least 3 then your introduction will have a better basis as a summary of the prompt and your opinion. It's a commonly known rule when writing these exam essays. Please keep it in mind while you are completing your practice tests. Maybe you can add another line as to why this occurrence is both positive and negative from a general point of view, before you present your own. Your introduction should max out at 5 sentences.

Now to address the grammar issues. It isn't so bad that your overall thought presentation in the essay was affected. However, it is noticeable to an extent that it shows a somewhat weak ability to use the English language. Please let me help you improve it :-)

There are reasons about THAT CAUSE this phenomenon

Firstly , it depends on personal preference.

Women are eligible TO gaining academic qualifications

and CAN PURSUE a career because THE equal rights movements - Never forget your connector words

when women BELONGED only in the kitchen. - Tense usage.

They have options to work rather than to be housewives without choice
- THEY NOW HAVE THE OPTION TO WORK OR BE HOUSEWIVES, INSTEAD OF NOT HAVING A CHOICE LIKE BEFORE.
- Incoherent thought process. I just cleaned it up for you.

Secondly , the rising cost of living has put pressure on married families.
- Couples do not need to be married in order to create a family. Omit any relationship specific words.

Lastly FINALLY, special considerations

To be BEING househusbands - if you want to inject some humor here, you can call them housebands :-)

is a PROGRESSION. - the word connotes an evolution in the spousal responsibilities

The shift of gender roles shows that the society is open and generous ACCEPTING .- that is the correct term to use since there used to be a resistance to the idea that married women should work outside of the home. It is now an accepted fact in society that some women work even after marriage.

Children who are brought up by stay-at-home fathers could learn more masculinity from fathers.
- I would omit this line since it speaks only of fathers influencing their sons. What about how they influence their daughters? Best not to mention it all in this case.

roles is considered as a progress for both the society and families.

You have a pretty good conclusion. It wraps up the discussion quite well :-)


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