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These days, more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work.


Hai Duong Do 1 / -  
Nov 16, 2022   #1
These days, more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work.

What could be the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?


(IELTS WRITING TASK 2)


In this modern era, more and more men are in charge of household chores while their partners earn family income. This essay will elucidate the causes of this trend. Furthermore, from my perspective, this is overall a negative trend.

To commence with, there are two major reasons for the stay-at-home father trend. The first reason worth mentioning is the constant efforts of women and society to change old-fashioned thinking. To be more specific, in the past, men were the ones who made the house while women made the house. However, thanks to feminism and advancements in education, women nowadays can serve in every field even in ones that used to be dominated by men namely the military, politics, and manufacturing. Secondly, with the popularity of online work and the advent of technology, men may choose to stay at home and spend more time on their families and housework. As a result, they can either make money to nurture their families or have quality time with their children.

From my point of view, this trend may have adverse effects on not only children but also the whole family. The first demerit is that children will be neglected for the lack of adequate love and care from their mothers. It is common knowledge that women have natural instincts to provide their children with comfort and care. However, men may struggle to meet the needs of their children either in terms of patience or emotional support. Consequently, a child's growing up will be affected in one way or another. The second disadvantage is that the quality of life of women and their families might be influenced by financial burdens. For example, in Hanoi, each person may earn 8 million dongs a month on average. Hence, women who are the sole breadwinner may find it hard to raise their families while the prices of oil, tuition fees, and food are rising at an unprecedented rate. In this way, the trend might lead to various consequences for the family.

All the information provided creates a concrete foundation that because of changes in thinking and advancements of women, fathers tend to resign from the breadwinner role to take care of their family and their spouses go out to make money. For these reasons, I believe this would be a negative trend if women do not share the duties of bringing up their children with their husbands and women are the sole breadwinners in their families.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,397 4385  
Nov 16, 2022   #2
Since the term "partner" is gender neutral, and the original reference is gender specific, the writer should use a gender specific alternate word as well. The term "partner" may be used but with the specific gender mention included due to the existence of same sex marriages, which could confuse the reader. So "female partner" or "female spouse" would be most acceptable in this case. Do it just to make sure the LR scoring considerations are properly met and that the C+C reference will not be altered.

I am puzzled as to why the writer did not clearly respond the the provided questions. His direct response to both would have been the basis for his opinion and thesis presentation. A move that would have boosted his preliminary TA score. Such score boosts can only be achieved early on with the proper development of the thesis presentation. Doing so bring the clarity of the writer's opinion and the reasons for it immediately into focus. Resulting in an impressive summary discussion presentation. What is the reason for the negative belief? The opinion is not clearly pre-stated.

The actual discussions are impressive but extremely long. The writer has a tendency to use sentence fillers rather than actual information. The essay need not be too long. Using fillers does not improve the scoring consideration and could even result in lower scores because the paragraph will take too long to get to the point and lack in clarity due to the focus on an increased word count.


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