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IELTS TASK 2 - the reason why do fewer and fewer people appreciate art and how to solve it

ayuriska 7 / 13 1  
Jan 25, 2017   #1
Art is considered an essential part of all culture throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the art?

Art's lesser appreciation

Playing paramount role in culture and society, the existence of art is neglected by the development of science, technology, and business. This phenomenon is viral in society, adjusting the way people think then decreasing their respect to art. However, some efforts should be done to bring back art position in society. This will be explained as follows.

Art is closely akin to abstract things such as music, painting, and sculpture as well as poem aimed to entertain people. This area beautifies and fascinates the tangible things used by people in their daily life. Hence due to its indirect impact, more and more people look down at art. Otherwise, science, technology, and business always discover new inventions affected human's convenience. Offering applicative solutions, those products enhance society's welfare for instance, the cutting-edge smartphone ease people around the world to communicate. However, art is not mere beautification, urgently, how to alter human's perspective and trigger the creativity. Without art, scientist conducted research, business earned profit or engineer innovate machine will face difficulties to connect the previoys theory with the reality because art train critical thinking to solve problem

However, to encourage people interest in art, stakeholders should be campaign the beneficial of study art, such as the teacher introduces art as compulsory subject in school. In addition, government allocate budget to renovate art galleries or museums and increase the facilities inside. Art combined with technology will excite more visitors.

In conclusion, art plays important role in human's life and science indeed. Therefore, a good cooperation and effort between stakeholders and citizens are highly demanded to preserve the existence of art in society.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,630 3477  
Jan 25, 2017   #2
Ayu, I believe that your essay can garner an overall score of 5. That means that is the highest score that you can possibly get, in my opinion, for all 4 scoring brackets of the task 2 essay. The reason for this is simple. The essay does not completely and properly address the prompt requirements. In fact, there is a confusion regarding your presentation of the paraphrased prompt. You have a tendency to cause undue stress or confusion for the reader because of your lack of properly developed ideas and improper sentence structures. While I understand that you are trying to use more complex English words, you have to understand that complex words, used in the wrong context, ends up being hurtful to your score in the end. That is because you do not properly deliver on your thoughts or explanations. These are problems that can be fixed over time. The more familiar you get with the English vocabulary, the more proper your writing will become in terms of word usage and lexical resources.

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