Reasons for seeking happiness and successful in foreign countries.

success is not related to a place or a country

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People leaving their hometowns have a higher chance of becoming happier and more successful than people staying in their hometowns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Webster's Dictionary defines life as" the process from birth to death". During this process, we go through different experiences, such as learning, working, building feelings and relationships. We work very hard to be happy and successful in our life. Many people believe that we have to seek happiness and success in our hometowns. They claim that when people moved to a new foreign country, they would suffer from homesickness and they will have a terrible life, even though they have a good job, health insurance, and comfortable life. However, most statistical studies showed that people can be happier and more successful, when they start a new life in a strange country, even though they face many obstacles at the beginning. This essay will explain why I hold this opinion.

A lot of freshly graduated students from American universities prefer to travel to the South American countries to work there. When they finish their studies, they have low opportunities to work easily and immediately after graduation because the job-market is completely saturated and there is a little chance for them to find a job. For example, the big Mexican and Brazilian companies and businesses appreciate these fresh employees because of their experience, skills, and expertise. In addition, these young people have high degrees from accredited and well-known universities. These companies will not hesitate to offer them secure jobs with a high salary. Therefore, these newly graduated scholars will try to move to these countries to thrive and to have a successful life.

In general speaking, people like to have a happy life and they try very hard to obtain it. Many statistical studies have shown that American people suffer from a lack of a happy and relax life. Living in the United States is expensive, and people have many financial burdens, such as paying student loans and mortgages. We need not forget that most people do not have free health insurance, and this service costs them a lot of money. On the contrary, a lot of foreign countries are less expensive than in the United States and their governments offer free health services for citizens In addition, they provide a free and high-quality education system. With all these temptations, people will think seriously to move to these countries to have all these privileges for them and for their families. When my friend Jon graduated from the business school at the University of Memphis, he faced many difficulties to find a job. He had to pay his date and he had to support his family financially and emotionally. However, he got a job offer from a Chinese company, and he did not hesitate to accept it. Many years later, he told that this job changed his life completely. His family and he had a full health benefit, and he was not worried anymore about having or paying for healthcare insurance. He paid all his mortgages and he built a good credit. Therefore, he got a new loan to buy a luxury house in an expensive neighborhood. He offered his family a happy life, even though they are living away from their home country.

In conclusion, we cannot use physical measurements to know how much happiness we hold or to know how much we are successful. But we know for sure that having a happy life and being a successful person, is not related to a place or a country, and people can achieve a satisfying life by working hard, being healthy, and having fun.

In your second paragraph, you miss stating your argument and reasons and you just jump into giving evidences about fresh graduates from US...Therefore, this paragraph structure is wrong.

In your third paragraph, the first sentence does not play its right role (still without main argument like the paragraph above)
About the language. I think some phrases are not suitable to use in writing Task 2:
In general speaking,...
We need not to forget that....
faced many difficulties to find a job--> had difficulty finding a job (I learn that this is a right structure)

This is an IELTS Task 2 question. Are you practicing to take that test? You did not specify if you were. I will pretend at this point that you were actually working towards taking the IELTS test and judge your essay accordingly. For starters, the task only allots 40 minutes for the response. That means you cannot write a research paper length essay for it. At 582 words, this is not an exam essay, this is a research paper. It doesn't sound to me like you are writing a research paper since there are no quoted sources in your presentation. All the more reason for me to believe that you are writing for a Task 2 essay. Next time, use a timer. You will see that you cannot write this many words within 40 minutes.

You should not "hold this opinion" for the essay. You should give a direct response to the question based on a simple paraphrase of the given topic. The basic rule is: Give a direct response for every direct question you receive, in the section it was asked. There is no need to use a textbook definition of happiness. You already knew that you were going to be basing your explanation on a personal point of view. So there was no sense in doing that. In fact, I am wondering why you are defining what life is when the question is about whether or not people are happier because they move from one place to another. Perhaps you were trying to be philosophical, but that wasn't what the question was about.

If you will insist on mentioning statistical studies, you will need to give the data specifically and the source of the information. For a task 2 essay, it is better to opt for common knowledge and personal experience. Otherwise, there is a question as to the validity of your claims and whether these are truly applicable to the task.

You failed to use proper paragraph presentations. I believe I had already told you once before that you need to separate the discussion topics for clarity and ease of reading. Try to do it next time. You will see a change in the clarity of your work.