A recent study in 1997 and 2006 representing the communication skills in work (IELTS Task 1)

The breakdown of a recent study in 1997 and 2006 representing the communication skills are crucial at occupation is compared in the table. This survey is measured in percentages. Two types of communication in which the certain skills are needed are classified into the external and internal sectors. Overall, it is obviously seen that dealing with people and listening carefully to peers are the most significant factors that should be considered either 1997 or 2006.

According to the data in 1997, three-fifths of employees considered that they had to have the external capability to deal with people in their occupations, while 24 percent of employees had to selling a product or service. In addition, for internal interaction skills, there was 38 % of workers thought that listened their colleagues as the most important skill, though only seven per cent believed making speech and presentation as the crucial thing.

In the following nine years, two-thirds of employees thought that they had to be able to deal with people. 41 % and 39 percent also believed that they had to have knowledge of particular product as well as advising or caring for costumers respectively. Therefore almost a quarter considered listening carefully to colleagues as the most essential skill.

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Hy Anita. Let me give you some suggestions.

1. ... representing the communication skills which are crucial at occupation is comparedpresented (because "compared" is sometimes used in pie chart) in the table.

2. This survey is measured in percentages. maybe you can make shorter sentence to show that you can present good one.
The breakdown of a recent study in 1997 and 2006 representing the communication skills which are crucial at occupation is presented in the table, measured in percentages.

3. ... significant factors that should be considered by workers eitherin 1997 or in 2006.

4. ... while 24 percent of employees had to own selling a product or service skill

5. there was 38 % of workers thought that listened to their colleagues as the most important skill

thank you

Hello Anita
Let me give my opinion about your essay

Pay attention to your 1st paragraph. You should paraphrase your paragraph well.
Consider this:
The breakdown of a recent study in 1997 and 2006 representing the crucial communication skills in work is compared in the table, and is measured in percentage. These communication skills are classified into external and internal. Overall, it can be obviously seen that dealing with people and listening carefully to peers are the most significant factors in both 1997 and 2006.

Thank you