IELTS writing task 1 - Reject a company offer - letter

Following is the question for task 1, which is a letter writing. It would be very useful to hear your feedback and suggestions during my preparation

Question:

You cannot go to a company where you got an offer. Write a letter to the HR supervisor to

explain the reason why you decline the offer
express you gratitude
explain you like your current job very much

My answer:

I am writing to you to express my regret for not being able to accept your job offer. I have been offered the regional sales manager position at your firm with an annual pay of $80,000.

I would like to thank you for considering me for the job. My experience with you and your staff throughout the evaluation process has been very cordial and amicable. I am sorry for all the inconvenience caused and for wasting your precious time and energy in evaluating me.

Although your offer is competitive, it is not enough for me to move from my current organisation. By accepting the offer, I will have to not only relocation to another city but also have to give up many of my valuable contacts in the current region, which are crucial in a sales career. Also in my present job I earn higher commissions which offset my lower salary. I therefore am not able to accept your otherwise munificent offer.

Thank you for your understanding.

I am writing to you to express my regret for not being able to accept your job offer. Earlier, I have been offered the regional sales manager position at your firm with an annual pay of $80,000.

I would like to thank you for considering me for the job. My experience with you and your staff throughout the evaluation process has been very cordial and amicable. I am sorry for all the inconvenience caused and for wasting your precious time and energy in evaluating mein the process .

Although your offer is competitive, it is not enough for me to move from my current organisation. By accepting the offer, I will have to not only relocation relocate to another city but also have to give up many of my valuable contacts in the current region, which are crucial in a sales career. Also in my present job I earn higher commissions which offset my lower salary. I therefore am not able to accept your otherwise munificent offer.

Thank you for your understanding.[/quote]

Some of the minor phrases are the only I would complain about this response. It is clear and the vocabulary is excellent in my opinion. I reckon you are taking IELTS general. I can assure you that this response can get you a 7 or above as a task.

Cheers.

Begin your letter with a positive note although it is to inform something negative;
I am very thankful to you for offering me a career position in your esteemed organization. However, I am compelled to decline this offer due to the fact that I had already accepted the position as a Sales Manager in another company.