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Writing IELTS task 2 : starting a business instead of working for a company


ashelarisa48 36 / 52 4  
Sep 1, 2016   #1
Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation.
Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?


"Be a leader, not a follower", is a proverb which often encourages some people to build their own business instead of working for a corporation or institution. They believe that being a businessman is the best way to be rich. For others it is too risky because an enterprise is susceptible to be bankrupt. Still I think the risk is not comparable with many advantages they gain.

Starting a business certainly needs a big effort. At the first time, people have to provide so many resources such as a business plan, asset, human resources, materials, and machines. Sometimes they are necessary to be in debt to the bank to supply the stock. Then, their income is also unpredictable and fluctuated, in contrast to an employee who gets a fixed salary every month. If they cannot survive, they might go bankrupt. They have no much time for their family or friends because they have to focus on developing their business as well.

However, being an entrepreneur has so many advantages that cannot be gained if they work for a company. It can improve their soft skills especially in leadership. They learn how to expand the networking, to manage the workers, time, and other resources, also tend to be more creative to solve a problem. Certainly it needs much fund at beginning but if they succeed to develop their venture, they will be very wealthy. When their firm has been widespread, they do not need to work hard and they have more free time for family and friends, because they already have engaged many employees. Actually, it gives a good impact for a country because it can reduce unemployment rate.

To conclude, I believe that there is no gain without pain. Some challenges will be faced when starting an enterprise and often bring some disadvantages, but at the end, more benefits will come.

Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
Sep 1, 2016   #2
Ashela,

For others,[need comma] it is too risky because an enterprise ...
StillHowever , I think the risk is not ...

... people have to provide so manyenormous resources such as a business ...
... also unpredictable and fluctuated, in contrast tocompared with an employee who gets ...

I notice that you have abundant idea in the first paragraph.
Actually, you do not need to put it all, but prioritize the important one.
Explain it one by one clearly to support the topic sentence.


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