Writing Task 1 - The relationship at work and with co-workers

The pie charts compare the data from survey between the relationship at work and relationship with working partner in the year of 2005 and 2009. Overall, in the relation at work, there are distinction in data of all type of answers toward the questionnaire between 2005 and 2009, while the differences of replies also recognize in those years.

In the data response of survey of relationship with supervisor, almost three by four of employees are very satisfied in working with their chief, which were shown by increasing of answer "very good" from 61 percent to 65 percent in four years period. As the participants in 2009 loved to answers all the questions in surveys, the replies of 'no answer" was not present in the data, in consequence there would be an increase in all categories answers in 2009, for instance, "don't have supervisor" increases from 1% to 5%.

On the other hand, the response towards relationships with co-workers had various differences in comparison of data between 2005 and 2009, which included the decline and climbed up in number of group of answers, for instance, increase from 63% to 70% of satisfaction working with their partners and decrease in answering "good" from 28% to 25%.

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Hi Fadhil,

I would like to give you some feedback related to grammatical range and accuracy because I think the content of your essay has already well-developed. I hope you can follow through.

1st paragraph:
- Overall, it can be seen that in the relation at work, there areweredistinctions in data of all (...) the questionnaire between 2005 and 2009,(comma is unnecessary if it wasn't for contrasting something) while the differences (...) recognized in those yearsbetween 2005 and 2009.(I think that mentioning the year "twice" is redundant)

2nd paragraph:
- ...almost three by four ofof four employees arewere very satisfied in working (...) shown by the increaseincreasing of answer "very good" answers from 61 percent to ...

... was not present in the data. (stop here, new sentence)In consequence, there would bewas an increase in all categories of answers in 2009 for instance, "don't have supervisor" increasesincreased from 1% to 5%. (Please, be more careful in composing "complex sentence". Complex sentence is not necessarily this long. This often leads to inaccuracies and confusing structure. This can possibly drag your band score down to 5.0.)

As you can see, tenses inappropriateness still exist in your essay. By considering the above-mentioned feedback, I am sure that your writing will be better. Good luck for the next practice :)

Hi Fadhil
Let me give you some correction

... at work, there are(is a) distinction in data of all (...) differences of replies also recognize(recognise) in those years.

... employees are very satisfied inwith working with their chief, which werewas shown by increasing of an ` answer "very good" ...
.., the replies of 'no answer" waswere not present in the data...

Thank you...