IELTS - The residents of Edmonton are especially keen on cars

The diagrams below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart compares the percentages of different modes of transportation used in Edmonton. Whilst the table illustrates the main reasons for trvalling by car.

Firstly, it is clear that approximately half of all the people use cars, while around one-third preferred the light rail transit system. However, the figures for travelling by bus and taxi are equally important, reaching 10 per cent for each of these methods.

Also, the foremost reason for using an automobile is commuting to work, at a little over half of the total percentage. Although, it is followed closely by the need to take children from school and business-related activities, being at 40 and 45 per cent respectively. It can be noted that shopping and various lesure activities are the main motivation for 15 per cent of the surveyed populace each.

In conclusion, the residents of Edmonton are especially keen on cars, while they are mainly used for various work issues.

I would like to hear some suggestions for improvement and an orientational band score this report might get. Thanks.

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  The charts provided
  

The pie chart compares the percentages of different modes of transportation used in Edmonton. Whilst , and the table illustrates the main reasons for trvallingtravelling by car.


This contains bad grammar. What you need is to write a full sentence. Let's give a try: At the same time, this is closely followed by the percentages of taking children from school and doing business, with 40 and 45 per cent respectively.


To increase a good score, you'd write an overview, instead of a conclusion. Please check IELTS TASK 1 Writing band descriptors (public version).

Concerning an overview, would this merged version make an acceptabe intro-overview paragraph? If not, I may not be understading this point in a right way. Thanks.

The pie chart compares the percentages of different modes of transportation used in Edmonton. Whilst the table illustrates the main reasons for travelling by car. It can be deduced that the residents are especially keen on automobiles, while they are mainly used for various work issues.

I always write an introduction and an overview in separated paragraphs. Let's give a try for this paragraph;


Introduction: The pie chart shows the percentages of different modes of transportation, and the table illustrates why people choose car as Edmonton city transport.

Overview: Overall, the highest percentage of different means of transportation is recorded by car. At the same time, people seem to favour this type of transport to get to work.

The pie chart compares the percentages of different modes of transportation used in Edmonton. Whilstwhile the table illustrates the main reasons for trvallingtravelling by car.


Well, you seem to be following an approach similar to IELTS Task 2 which is wrong. This task is for a different purpose - It attempts to assess your report writing skills and therefore adopt a more formal tone for this task. Do not include phrases like "First, Also, In conclusion" etc. that sound too personal and not like reporting facts. They are ok for the Task 2. Also, after the introduction, have an OVERVIEW that gives an idea of the main trends of your graph to the reader. Do not include any details there and after doing the Overview, move into Detailed paras.

The blue one is fragment sentence. While a complete sentence needs main clause, so you have to revise it.
A possible sollution is changing a pullstop, punctiation mark, with a comma then the capital letter in the beginning should be changed.
A result
The pie chart compares the percentages of different modes of transportation used in Edmonton, whilst the table illustrates the main reasons for travelling by car. Pay a particular attention about word-spelling.

Firstly, it is clear that approximately half of all the people use cars, while around one-third preferred the light rail transit system. However, the figures for travelling by bus and taxi are equally important, reaching 10 per cent for each of these methods.

It seems that the word "however" here is inappropriate. There is no contrast of the two things before and after it.