Hello everyone. Please help me find the mistakes in the essay, if anyone finds of course. Through mistakes we learn. Please grade my essay if anyone can from 1 to 6. This is an SAT essay which i wrote it all by myself without help. Thank you all in advance.
ESSAY
Facts that are on the examples does not matter if it's true or false in an SAT essay so please do not grade my essay based on facts !
Assignment: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?
This world is wounded with problems but to overcome the problems should we people contribute ourselves or the government? Although few might look this into different perspective but majority advocates the idea that we people are responsible for the problems that we face today. For instance, When Dr. Younus mitigated the famine that took place after the 1971 war between Bangladesh and Pakistan and also when the gun massacre took place in Florida USA supports this thesis invariably.
To begin with, Bangladesh won the war against Pakistan in 1971. They were liberated and emancipated from the ruling of Pakistan but Bangladesh was incognizant of the adversities they had to face because of the war and one of their biggest adversities was famine. Bangladesh government remained irresolute on dealing with the famine since it did not have any sufficient resources to fix the economic engine that broke down because of the war but there came a turning point when Dr. Younus came to Bangladesh and fixed that economic engine through micro-financing the people who lived in extreme poverty. He made and came up with new and innovative economic policies that stimulated the economy to move forward.
Another example that supports this thesis is when the massive gun attack took place in Green Mount School in Florida USA. Ever since the attack took place, the US government was quiescent and did not take the necessary actions until the people reacted. The American people went on strike to enforce the government to take the investigations and to take steps to prevent such atrocities in future. Furthermore, the American people not only forced the government to investigate the massacre but also pressurized the government to rectify the gun laws. At the end the US government concluded the investigation and also abrogated the usage of guns since guns engendered the undesirable outcomes in the American society.
In conclusion, today we live in a society where people have their rights to speak, to stand up for problems and to solve their problems. We live in the world where democracy is practiced and democracy unequivocally means that we are responsible for what we are facing today.
ESSAY
Facts that are on the examples does not matter if it's true or false in an SAT essay so please do not grade my essay based on facts !
Assignment: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?
This world is wounded with problems but to overcome the problems should we people contribute ourselves or the government? Although few might look this into different perspective but majority advocates the idea that we people are responsible for the problems that we face today. For instance, When Dr. Younus mitigated the famine that took place after the 1971 war between Bangladesh and Pakistan and also when the gun massacre took place in Florida USA supports this thesis invariably.
To begin with, Bangladesh won the war against Pakistan in 1971. They were liberated and emancipated from the ruling of Pakistan but Bangladesh was incognizant of the adversities they had to face because of the war and one of their biggest adversities was famine. Bangladesh government remained irresolute on dealing with the famine since it did not have any sufficient resources to fix the economic engine that broke down because of the war but there came a turning point when Dr. Younus came to Bangladesh and fixed that economic engine through micro-financing the people who lived in extreme poverty. He made and came up with new and innovative economic policies that stimulated the economy to move forward.
Another example that supports this thesis is when the massive gun attack took place in Green Mount School in Florida USA. Ever since the attack took place, the US government was quiescent and did not take the necessary actions until the people reacted. The American people went on strike to enforce the government to take the investigations and to take steps to prevent such atrocities in future. Furthermore, the American people not only forced the government to investigate the massacre but also pressurized the government to rectify the gun laws. At the end the US government concluded the investigation and also abrogated the usage of guns since guns engendered the undesirable outcomes in the American society.
In conclusion, today we live in a society where people have their rights to speak, to stand up for problems and to solve their problems. We live in the world where democracy is practiced and democracy unequivocally means that we are responsible for what we are facing today.
