I wish every professional could help me advise my essay and I welcome any advice and criticism. Thanks a million~
"Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: In order to become financially responsible adults, children should manage their own money at the young age."
When it comes to the issue whether children should manage their money at the young age, different voices are presented. From my point of view, I totally agree with this statement for two following reasons.
To begin with, commanding money well is a helpful and habit when children have to manage their own money as growing up. When being mature, they can always have much quicker and more intelligent financial strategy as handling their money. Parents have the responsibility to educate their children fundamental financial basics by advising them beneficial methods of saving money or having them watch financial magazines such as Business Weekly. Through this way, children develop their common sense to money and start to realize the economic phenomenon in the business field. Take my good friend for example- his family owed a bunch of money for to some companies because they failed the business. However, his father never stopped reminding his son the importance of saving money and the philosophy of using it wisely. He therefore has developed the good command to money and paid off all those debts recently.
On the other side, if children don't have the access to their money no matter the amount it counts, they will never know the feeling of saving money- finding the deposit gradually increased- and the pain of loosing money as well. Some reports of my home country have shown that more than half of the undergraduate students have to pay banks average USD$2,000 to compensate their debts after graduating. Therefore, it is critical that parents should release some controls of money to their young children for letting them dominate their budgets just like the government gives most controls of the currency to the market. All in all, having them experience the financial failures early is better than having themselves go bankruptcy at their latter lives.
In conclusion, early education of financial basics should start as early as possible. Through saving and budgeting money, and keeping track of their living expenses, children can learn how to be responsible for their money and avoid being a card-debater in the future days.
Great writing here, and thanks, Ana, for the work you are doing to help all these essayists.
I'll add some ideas...
This is a good place for a semicolon:
Take my good friend for example; his family owed a bunch of money to some companies because they failed in business.
However, his father never stopped reminding his son about the ...
Be careful about the spelling of losing and loosing.----losing money as well.
Therefore, it is critical that parents should release some controls of money to their young children for letting them dominate their budgets just like the government gives most controls of the currency to the market. ---oh, very wise!! You are a smart one...