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TOEFL;Should we let children manage money to make them financially responsible adults


littlekid 986 7 / 16  
Mar 30, 2013   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:In order to become financially responsible adults, children should manage their own money at their young age.

In the modern society, some people believe that it is better for children growing while they attempt to earn their own money at a very early age .As oppose that this behavior do some bad effects on the forming of their personality,especially in their adolescence.Indeed , earning at early age can bring some experience of the real society, which can made a real practise about how to living independent .It may also establish a concept of money in case that the young people will save money in their future life when they knew how hard to earn money by themselves.However, base on these positive sides , I still believe that the bad sides which have effect on children are larger than those seem postive.

First of all ,earning at young age will miss something important in your growing. Although we all heard some stories of great man who earned in their childhood and then became succeeded eventually. Yet it is not a rule adapt for everybody. Most of us are ordinary ones, the adolescent time should be utilized in school in order to get some useful knowledges, and then to decide your own future according to our interests.If you leave school for creating a career or pay much attention on earning , this may ocuppy the time you need to wasting in study. Although Bill Gates leaved Harvard as creating Microsoft at his age of 19, he still admitted in a interview that when he looked backward, the most regretful decision he has ever made in the past is leaving school ,because afterward he has gradually realized his knowledges are so limit that he has read a lot of books for compensating.

Apart from that , another bad effect is that way may give you an impressive conception of money.Aldult 's personality is formed based on what they felt when they were young. If a teenager contact the real world too early, the modes of reality will be embeded in their innocent world and their activities also blend with a certain of intensive purpose.Due to that , their behaviors also has some utilitarian conservation and lack of the spirit of social service.If such kind of utilitarianism is expanding , we can imagine that how cool of the community we lived in the future.

Based on these reasons discussed above , I suggest that young people should not manage their money at their young age instead of doing something meaningful.

please give me some advices about opinion and grammer mistakes and some other aspects , thank you so much.
chessman567 5 / 170 11  
Mar 30, 2013   #2
superb structure and diction! But your grammar is pretty bad. I revised the first paragraph for you. Look at how many mistakes there are. Revise and I will look at it again :)

here are some corrections:

PLEASE REMEMBER TO LIKE MY POST :)

In the modernTODAY'S society, some people believe that it is better for children growing(I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY HERE) while they attempt to earn their own money at a very early age .As oppose that this behavior do some bad effects on the forming of their personality,especially in their adolescence.On the other hand, this behavior can bring about detrimental effects on one's personality, especially in one's adolescence.(GREAT SENTENCE WITH A FEW TWEAKS! :) Indeed , earning MONEY at early age can bring some experience of the real society, which can made a real practise about how to living independent .It may also establish a concept of money in case that the young people will save money in their future life when they knew how hard to earn money by themselves.However, base on these positive sides , I still believe that the bad sides which have AN effect on children THAT are larger than those seem postive. ( REVISE THE LAST SENTENCE; I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.)

PLEASE REMEMBER TO LIKE MY POST :)
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Mar 30, 2013   #3
In the modern society, some people believe that it is better for children growing while they attempt to earn their own money at a very early age .

.... Actually your prompt means something little different from what you state here. Your prompt talks of " children managing money". It does not mean they earn money. It means they are allowed to handle money on their own. In other words they are given the liberty to possess money and sped it for their needs. Of course children can earn that money or can get it as a grant from their parents. Whatever it is, the main focus here should be "handling or managing money" . I have seen another topic on children earning money too. But this one is different.

Your structure has improved a lot. But, pay more attention to understanding your prompt because it is the key for your success.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 30, 2013   #4
.As oppose that this behavior do some bad effects on the forming of their personality,especially in their adolescence.

Some oppose that this behavior will have a negative effect on their personalities, especially in their adolescence.

It may also establish a concept of money in case that the young people will save money in their future life when they knew how hard to earn money by themselves.

It may also bring forth a concept of saving money because young people will realize how difficult it is to save money by themselves.

Although we all heard some stories of great man who earned in their childhood and then became succeeded eventually.

We have heard many stories of great men who had to earn money from the very beginning of their lives and eventually became very successful.

I think earning money and managing it are two very different things. Maybe the parts where you argue about young people earning money are irrelevant. Just give it some thought. :)

please work on your grammar.


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