people lack doing exercises
I have been practiced IELTS writing task 2 for a month. help me correct this essay bellow.
Topic
As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer
The inventions of many electronic devices such as the computer and television make people lack doing exercises resulting in their health. While some people agree with the idea that this development has affected people's health, I do believe that technology devices could bring more benefits to people.
On the one hand, overusing technology devices such as computer and television might affect human's health. As a consequence of using these gizmos too much, dozens of children probably have a problem with their eyes because of spending a considerable amount of time in front of the computer or television. They can also have an issue with their spine when getting older. Moreover, people maybe suffer from obesity due to enjoying snack and other fast food while working with computer in a very long time.
On the other hand, technology advances have several benefits which could help people's lives more conveniently. Firstly, the presence of a variety of devices is really useful in food technology. For example, with the support of the modern electronic devices, food analysts can examine whether the food is high quality enough to be imported into their country in order to protect their people's health. Secondly, people have the expectation to live longer due to the assistance of electronic gizmos in medical care. Finally, the appearance of fitness equipment has profound effects on people's health, they can do exercise in the gym with the support of the tools, and this way can help them keep fit.
In conclusion, my view is that the advancement of technology devices has created various advantages to make human life more comfortable, others think that it has a small scale impact on their health, though.
