IELTS essay about the result of a survey of adult education

Hello,

firstly I still new here. I want to exercise my writing skill to prepare IELTS test. For your comments and corrections I would be very thankful :)

here we go:
I report the result of a survey of adult education. There are two charts, which contain different information. One of them, the bar chart, shows the reasons why adults decide to study. Each person can have more than one reason. 38 until 40% of them decide to study because of the interest in the subject itself and also they want to get a qualification, which might be helpful for their job. This statement is proved, that 20 - 22% of them wants to study because it can be helpful for current job and it gives a chance to get a promotion. Another 20% enjoys learning and studying. Just 12% want to study to get a chance to change jobs. The rest, 9%, just want to meet people during their study. The pie chart shows about how costs of each course should be shared. Each can only has one opinion. Most of them, namely 40%, opine that the tuition fee shouldn't be shared. The 35% means that the employer should also contribute paying the fee. The rest, 25%, opines that the taxpayer should help them to pay for their study.

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Try not to use "I" when you write about this kind of thing:
This chart provides the results of a survey about adult education.

Approximately 40% of them decide to study because of their interest in the subject itself, and also they want to get a qualification, which might be helpful for their jobs.

It also shows that 20 - 22% of them want to study because it can be helpful in their current jobs, and it gives a chance to get a promotion.

Another 20% enjoy learning and studying.

Just 12% want to study to get a chance to change jobs. ---Good sentence

The rest, 9%, just want to meet people during their studies.

The pie chart shows about how costs of each course should be shared. Each can only has have one opinion. Most of them, 40%, opine that the tuition fee shouldn't be shared. -------You cannot say most, because 40% is not most. It is less than half. Most means more than half. So, do this instead: The largest group, 40%, opine that...

Welcome to EssayForum!! You have strong writing skills in English. You just need a little more practice to find your misconceptions and eliminate them. :-)

nice to meet you Kevin :)
thank you for your comments and corrections.