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Being rich gives you the opportunity to give back. Yes or no?

annahatef 30 / 9 7  
Nov 9, 2015   #1
Some people say the most important thing about being rich is that it gives you the opportunity to give back. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

The idea that money cannot give people a chance to change their life at the first glance may not seem intellectual. Nevertheless it takes account of that the rich people have different ideas. In this essay, I explain that money can help new opportunities for different purposes.

To begin that money can increase knowledge. Having huge amount of money helps to attend high ranking university in which people can study under supervision of professional experts. Therefore, they learn a great deal of abilities and crafts. Finding better job to earn more money is very easy. The rich people can have knowledge and high discipline job. What is more, knowing about healthy diet is the best way to save money, since several diseases are resulted from wrong habits and unhealthy nutrition.

Also, money may increase more chance to communicate with different citizens. People having money can travel to other countries and participate to various conferences and seminars, therefore they get more experiences and life skills. So, they may face less personal problems in their life, which can motivate rich men to work efficiency.

Moreover, setting companies and offices is not a far idea for the wealthy people who will become employers. they invest in some projects or fields to earn more money. Many company owners become richer after some years. For example, many companies which be extended more rapidly in the short run.

In the final analysis, having money encourages the rich people to think and invest on what can lead to more money such as establishing company or increasing the ability and knowledge.
estefa227 2 / 2  
Nov 9, 2015   #2
The paragraphs are too short, it just may seems like a lot or phrases withou sense.
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Nov 11, 2015   #3
Hi annahatef. I think it is important to make sure that you understand the prompt. Here it talks about rich people given "the opportunity to give back". This means that rich people have the chance to help the people who helped them to achieve success. For instance, a rich person might be able to give a large donation to the school they attended, or maybe give a gift of money to a specific teacher who made a difference in their life. A rich person may have started out poor and was helped by a charity when they were young. Now the rich person can "give back" by donating money to that charity, or perhaps forming a new charity that they wish had existed. Another idea may be that rich people sometimes seem to forget the people who helped them in the past. Being rich can make people even more greedy, so many rich people don't take "the opportunity to give back".

Instead of this, your essay is more interested in "why is money important", which isn't really what the prompt asks. I realize writing in English is tough for you, but even if you write well, if you don't address the prompt correctly, you won't be able to get a good score.
chickenpiemary 3 / 5  
Nov 11, 2015   #4
I agree with TJLuschen, the essay didn't really respond to the prompt. If you added more and bulked it up, and included why rich people have the opportunity to give back , it would be a good essay. Good luck!

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