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Writing task 2 IELTS. Rising temperature globally on the Earth


sillyman2000 12 / 24 6  
Aug 6, 2018   #1

human activities are blamed for the heating up



There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher.

What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem?


Essay

The rising of temperature on the Earth has been concerning in the modern world nowadays. It is evident that human activities are blamed for the heating up. This essay will point out the primary causes and the key to tackling this issue.

To begin with, there are various factors that contribute to the sudden heating of the globe by humankind. Firstly, the exploitaion of forests over the decades is believed to be the foremost perpetrator. It is said that trees are the lungs of planet Earth, yet people keep taking out the timbers of trees for space demands and wooden needs. Consequently, less oxygen and cool air to be provided. Secondly, as the rapid advancement of industrialization, plethora of factories have been built. Aggravatedly, the smokes from the chimneys release to the sky excessively, which later gradually shatter the ozones and worseningly, the extreme shines from sun can readily reach out to the Earth.

There are suggested solutions to address the dilemma. It is necessary to preserve the remaining forests on the Earth, as they are the indispensible components that offering green shelters. In addition, the governments should encourage their citizens to plant more trees in empty areas. Finally, as current natural resources heat up the temperature, discovering its alternatives is also an option. Wind and solar energy are great methods to be considered, due to its enviromentally-friendliness.

In conclusion, tree cutting down and factories are mainly identified to cause the increase of global temperatures. Tree preservation and switching a new form of resources are introduced to resolve the problems.

Any feedbacks are all highly appreciated. Thanks.

dimdim02 6 / 11 1  
Aug 6, 2018   #2
Hi, I would like to give some feedbacks, but because I also a learner, I apologise if my feedback sound meaningless.

your introduction paragraph is good.

I think the second paragraph contain too much information. each paragraph should have only topic sentence. if you had two ideas, it is better separated them into two paragraphs so that readers can understand what you want to deliver. having 3 body paragraphs is still allowed.
Holt [Contributor] - / 6,843 1708  
Aug 7, 2018   #3
Hoang, this is a direct response essay. So your thesis statement at the end of the 3 paraphrased sentences should refer directly to the following information:

1. What are the causes?
2. How should the problem be dealt with?

In a direct response essay, the paraphrased opening paragraph serves to aid the student by allowing them to present a discussion outline for their body paragraph presentations. You should answer the questions in the order by which these were posted in the original prompt. Now, when you start explaining connected reasons in one paragraph, as the questions asks about "causes" in the plural form.

Do not count of by saying "Firstly" then "Secondly" because that makes your response appear as 2 separate ideas in the presentation. Instead, use a transition sentence between the last sentence of the first reason and the starting sentence of the second reason. You could say that " These events help to cause rapid advancement..." It makes for a more concise and clear paragraph presentation of several connected topics for discussion and also increases your GRA score because the transition sentence will always be a complex sentence presentation.

I don't really see you using transition sentences in your paragraphs. Only topic sentence presentations, which don't really help in the presentation of a clear and understandable paragraph as these often lack explanations to help the reader understand the topic you presented for discussion in a better manner.
Minh2903 6 / 15 3  
Aug 7, 2018   #4
I think you should pay more attention to spelling:
exploitation
..with/ due to the rapid ..., a plethora of ...
.. shatter the ozone and worsening the extreme shine from the sun can ...
..as they are the indispensable components ...
.., due to its environmentally-friendliness.
..the increase in global temperatures.
.. and switching to a new form ...


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