greenhouse gases impact on earth
The diagrams show the impact of greenhouse effect on the Earth's temperature. The first image mentions how the sun's heat radiation are distributed after they are generated. Not all of them can reach and warm the Earth. Nineteen per cent of the radiation are absorbed by atmosphere and clouds. Six per cent of them are scattered from the atmosphere and twenty per cent are scattered and reflected by clouds. The rest of the radiation (51 per cent) are absorbed by the Earth, which is the main factor warming the Earth. The next diagram show that how greenhouse gases effect the Earth. Heat is lost at night. Thank to the existence of the green house gases in atmosphere, the warmth of the earth is stable and heat makes Earth suitable for life. Its mechanism is that those gases trap the sun's heat. However, when more factories are built, they emit more greenhouse gases. The impact of this change is described in the third diagram. More greenhouse gases trap more heat. It increases the Earth's temperature.
P/s: this is my first writing for describing a process in IELTs Writing Task 1. I don't know exactly how to deal with it. Hope to receive any of your comment and suggestion to make my writing become better. How much score do you think that this writing could get?
Hi Cao, Your essay quite has many basic mistakes. You must pay attention when using the word "are" or "is". You are wrong in recognizing the singular and plural as in this sentence "The next diagram show that", you have to add the "s" from the "show". Beside that there are many words should be recorded together like "greenhouse" and "percent". It is my personal opinion. Trying to learn vocabulary and apply it best, you will see the efficiency.
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Hang, word count wise, you have more than enough words to pass the word criteria but format and presentation wise, you have a lot to learn. If you have the time, please look at the existing Task 1 writing samples on this forum. It will help you get a better idea as to how to properly format the paper, what you are expected to write, and the most effective analytical presentation for the image provided. It is because you lack the know-how of how to properly write the task 1 essay that I will not be scoring your essay for now. It is unfair to score your work when I know that you have yet to learn the rudiments of writing the task 1 essay. As of now, I will focus on helping you learn the proper format first.
A Task 1 essay is written in a 4 paragraph format composed of the following:
1. Summary overview
2. Trending statement
3. Analysis of the image
4. Comparison of information
The summary overview is composed of the discussion topic, type of discussion, image reference, and instruction statement. The trending statement may or may not be attached to this paragraph. The trending statement can be a stand alone sentence when required to help fulfill the 4 paragraph requirement.
Basically, your discussion, as presented is good but not acceptable. There are 3 images being presented to you in the procedural illustration. Therefore, you need to have 3 separate paragraphs for each image, this will then create the 4 paragraph analytical essay presentation. Each image has a separate topic, so each topic needs a stand alone presentation. Your analysis is acceptable, but it gets confusing to read because it is mixed in with the other images and their accompanying explanations.
In order to meet the coherence and cohesiveness requirements of the essay, you need to clearly explain each image using a 3-5 sentence format per paragraph. That way you not only meet the word count, but you also have enough space to better explain what the images are about and what the end results are. Right now, your presentation is a jumbled mess because the reader cannot keep track of what image refers to what, why, and how.
Read the samples here. Those should help get your next practice essay on the right track.