Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 9

Road accidents claim too many lives. What can governments and individuals do to reduce it?


yohooooo 2 / 5  
Jan 25, 2014   #1
This topic raises the issue what we can do to avoid such significant number of fatalities that currently being caused by
road accidents everyday. Indisputably, the primary footprinter of it are teenagers who ride vehicles without having
proper riding qualifications. Nevertheless, the fact that most of those accidents are caused by the high number of cars
on roads is not less important (traffic jams). My view is that both government and individuals should try to reduce
numbers of cars on roads and prohibit inexperienced people from driving vehicles. My position is well supported by both
common sense and by observation.

To begin with, the high number of vehicles, which now is making traffic jams on crossroads are making people get
nervous, clogging people to get to their definitions on time. As a result they ride more speedy than they were going to,
unknowingly causing serious accidents. Closely scrutiny reveals that by reducing numbers of cars many other problems
(problems related to roads and pollution) can also get solved simultaneously with the main problem - road accidents.
This reduction can be made both by governments and individuals.

It's widely believed though that many present inexperienced people (especially who don't have qualifications or didn't
study properly) are one of the most hazardous threats on roads. It is indicated especially to those people, who drive
cars by no purpose and make emergencies. Despite the existences of laws, which bans those people to drive cars, this
action isn't completely stopped yet. This means that the next step should be made by individuals, by forbidding their
children from driving cars, as far as the most of inexperienced people are teenagers , no doubt.

In the final analysis, the problem raised in this essay can be reduced by companies of individuals and governments.
While it is up to the government to reduce numbers of cars and to strictly monitore observation of rules, per family
should not buy more than one car and forbid their children from driving cars when they want just to waste the time
with it.

niesaysi 16 / 284 83  
Jan 26, 2014   #2
To begin with, the high number of vehicles, which now is making traffic jams on crossroads are making people get
nervous, clogging people to get to their definitions on time.

The highlighted transitional word is inappropriate to be used as a start for your into.To begin an essay is not one of the functions of transitional words.

the high number of vehicles, which now is making traffic jams on crossroads are making people get
nervous, clogging people to get to their definitions on time...

The rapid increase of vehicles truly causes traffic jams. As a result, people rush themselves in a way they drive their cars very speedily just to reach their destination on

time, which usually results to serious road accidents.
OP yohooooo 2 / 5  
Jan 26, 2014   #3
Yah, that's better. thank u )
niesaysi 16 / 284 83  
Jan 27, 2014   #5
In the final analysis, the problem raised in this essay can be reduced by companies of individuals and governments.
While it is up to the government to reduce numbers of cars and to strictly monitore observation of rules, per family
should not buy more than one car and forbid their children from driving cars when they want just to waste the time
with it.

To conclude, family and government can reduce the usual occurrence of road accidents. The government should heighten the monitoring system. On the other hand, every family should not buy more than one car and forbid their children from driving cars when they just want waste time with it. This way the problem can be stopped.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 28, 2014   #6
I have an admin request for you. Make sure you open your threads in the most appropriate forum. This should have been opened in the Writing Feedback forum (I moved it from Undergraduate to Writing Feedback) Also include the purpose of your writing (e.g. IELTS, TOEFL, GRE etc.) in the title so that others can provide you with more meaningful feedbacks.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Jan 28, 2014   #7
I think you have writing skills. Your structure seems to be very good and your vocabulary, ideas, sentences all look very good. Is this for IELTS or TOEFL? If so, you might have to be concerned about the time factor. Had you managed time well then no issue at all. Otherwise try to squeeze your paragraph size a bit and practice more essays with time :)

Good job!
OP yohooooo 2 / 5  
Jan 28, 2014   #8
Thank you :) I used some structures which are usually relative to TOEFL's ones, but the subject is taken from IELTS writing tasks. It took me no longer than an hour, as it was required.

and thanks for Duminda :) I'll be careful choosing a forum the next time )
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 30, 2014   #9
... thanks :)

This topic raises the issue what we can do to avoid such significant number of fatalities that currently being caused by road accidents everyday.

You need to introduce the topic first.


Home / Writing Feedback / Road accidents claim too many lives. What can governments and individuals do to reduce it?