The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
As it is commonly understood that role of women in community has altered dramatically in the last two decades. These day, many difficulties has been faced by young generation, such as juvenile delinquency, occur from the fact that many married women now have a job in workplace and are not at home to care for their children. I personally agree with statement above because parental guidance is essential for children's development and financial support leads detrimental effect.
In this era, many teenagers need supervision from mother to learn the attitude and morality in order to distinguish between good and bad. Juvenile delinquency occurs because there is no controlling of parents. For instance, more than 17,000 case of violence which has been done by adolescent in Brazil, the average of younger who did the crime acts is triggered because their mother tend to spend a lot of time in work. As a result, a lot of children should be detained in the prison or rehabilitation which leaves their education. Undoubtedly, the parental guidance is important to form the sense of children's morality and attitude.
Furthermore, teenager's misbehavior is influenced because their mothers who have busy and hectic schedule in workplace tend to give a great deal of financial to support their children's activity without thinking risks. For instance, based on UNICEF, more than 4,550 reports about drugs are consumed by teenager in California. The increasing of drugs consumption is caused by financial support abused by children. It is impressive that giving lots of money to children leads a severe problem for children's improvement.
To sum up, it is evident that monitoring from parents is necessary to create the physical development and approach. So, the presence of parents and mother is needed by children. However, financial support that I mention brings a dire effect for children's personality. Parents should be give more attention for children.
Hello Miss Nisa, i have read your writing, and find improper word. Let me give you suggestion. I hope it can help you. Thank you
First paragraph:
As a result, a lot of children should be detained in the prison or rehabilitation which leaves their education => which also mean that they have to leaves their education.
Second paragraph
their motherswho have busy and hectic schedule in workplace tend to give a great deal of financial => i think it is better to put punctuation there and make it as appositive . => their mother, who have busy and hectic schedule in workplace, tend to give a great deal of financial
