Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

'in Rome' - What are your hobbies during your leisure times?


neo1989 8 / 15  
Aug 1, 2012   #1
i wanna know what are my errors and how i can improve my statements

When I was a child I used to read novels from time to time. Whenever I got back home from school I had a novel book In my hand which I had borrowed it from high school library, I used to read them with enthusiasm, at that time this was my favorite and only hobby. When I got a little older specially when I was in high school I liked playing computer games a lot. I remember once I played them for 24 straight hours. When I got older specially after I came to Rome I didn't like playing computer games anymore, I wanted to have girlfriend but this time situation was a bit different it was hard thing to do and simply I didn't find courage within myself to ask a girl out. now my hobbies are completely different, thanks god that I realized the importance of time, after thinking a lot about past I recognized that a hobby shouldn't only fill your leisure time, it shouldn't give you only pleasure it should gain you something valuable such as new information or knowledge or money. Here are my new hobbies: Swimming in the pool, when I was a child I craved swimming a lot but my hometown hadn't had any pool so I couldn't swim, now my dream has come true, in Rome there are a lot of good swimming pools with appropriate level of hygiene, second hobby is watching English movies, I do this because while I am having fun I learn a lot of things too such as getting familiar with new English statements that I haven't heard before. I simply note new word and statement and surprisingly I use them right now while I am writing this article.

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Aug 1, 2012   #2
When I got a little older specially when I was inas I entered high school I liked playinginterested in computer games a lotl

When I got older

Repetition.

I wanted tohaveget a girlfriend but

I think u cannot consider "getting a gf" as a hobby.

I didn't find courage

The word "confidence" is a better word.

it should gainbring you something valuable

Here are my new hobbies:

Write about your new hobbies in a separate paragraph.

I simply note new words and statements and surprisingly I use them right now while I am writing this article

Is this an essay? If the answer is YES, U should consider the following points :
1) each essay includes an introduction. Start the introduction with a motivator, then write the thesis statement and the main idea of the essay.
2) organize the ideas of the essay. For example, u wrote about your previous and present hobbies. So, write the previous hobbies in one Para. and allocate another Para. to the present hobbies.

3) Write a conclusion: Restate the thesis statement and finally write a clincher (ending statement.


Hope u find the comments helpful

Regards
Ahmad
OP neo1989 8 / 15  
Aug 2, 2012   #3
it was really helpful ahamd and appreciate it.
good luck


Home / Writing Feedback / 'in Rome' - What are your hobbies during your leisure times?