MY ROOM ESSAY (to carry out various leisure activities)

Write a descriptive essay about your room.

My room is my one and only domain where I carry out various leisure activities such as studying, watching films and television, listen to music, talk on the phone, surf the internet, etc. My room is painted all pink; also, most of the things in my room are all pink. As someone enters my room, the first thing that he or she will see is a cream dresser with a stylish design coated on it. In it, lie all my clothes and personal belongings. Then on the other side of my room, a black plasma television resided on the wall which I enjoy watching my favorite movies, and television shows. Opposite of that, is my full size bed which has pink covers. Also right behind it is the room window, which has sparkly and pink curtains. Next to my bed I have a nightstand where my stereo is on top of it; also on one of the drawers I have my favorite book. On the wall next to my bed, I have a huge sign that says "PRINCESS", and around it are pictures from my sweet fifteen. Across from my bed I have my studying and relaxing area where I have a pink desk with my laptop and printer. Right next to it I have a beanbag chair with reading books around it, and that's where I relax, read, and study. Then I have a walk-in closet where I have lots of shoes, clothes, school supplies, and personal belongings. My room is my absolute favorite room in the house, that's where I study and relax. I enjoy my room, and I enjoy doing pretty much anything as long as it's in my room!

Hello Michelle,

I feel that your first sentence describes the possiblities that your room enables you. Thus it might sound more coherent to put this information as a consequence of the attributes of your room somewhere later on. (What is it about the room that makes it the only domain..)

I like the part "As someone enters my room". Maybe you can put it at the beginning.

Keep all the verbs in the same "form" in that list of activities:
studying, watching, listening, talking, surfing

In it, lie all my clothes and personal belongings.---- no need for a comma here because it is just like this:
All my clothes and personal belongings lie in it. = In it lie all my clothes and personal belongings.
No need for a comma

If you want to improve this, add sensory words and action verbs in a few places. Search the Internet for those terms if they are unfamiliar to you; they help a lot! They make descriptive writing come to life.